Wow---has it really been over 4 months?!

Yes, I'm still here.

Sorry I haven't updated anything lately. My current weight is 138...yay!!. I'm almost to my goal weight. But have to admit that these winter days/nights are making it hard to stay on track.

I'm giving myself some slack until after the holidays and then will hopefully be able to pick up where I left off.

So, I did run my 1st 5K in October ....and finished. It was GREAT!!! I'm definitely hooked now. Who would have thought?

While watching The Biggest Loser a couple of weeks ago, I decided that if they could run a marathon....why couldn't I?

My "early" New Years Resolution is I AM GOING TO RUN A MARATHON IN 2011. The St. Jude Marathon is run every December, and do or die, I'm going to participate in the next one.

It gives me a whole year to prepare. Plus, it's nice to have a goal - something to really give yourself that extra push. And the more people that are aware of what I'm doing, the less chance I will have to quietly back out.

Some other things that I've been thinking about tackling in the coming year:

1. Becoming a certified Yoga instructor. I love yoga - but right now with the holidays, etc...I haven't been able to attend my regular yoga class and I really miss it. Yoga is excellent for just being able to quiet my mind and focus. I love the way it stretches your body and massages many of the organs inside your body as well to help keep them functioning properly. If you have ever watched a yoga program on t.v. and thought it was way beyond what you would be capable of doing, I encourage you to check out your local yoga studio. They have many classes for beginners only and those with limited capabilities. The benefits you will gain from these classes are immense.

2. Getting my certification as a nutrition counselor. I have looked into this and I'm still on the fence...we'll just have to see.

2011 is abounding with endless opportunities and possibilities. I am so thankful for all the people that have come into my life in 2010, who have been so caring and supportive. I will always be grateful!

Happy Holidays to all!

Superwoman Days.....

Let's be honest here....the past few days...o.k, o.k,...the past week or so have been pretty crappy. I have been under the weather and my attitude towards everything has been horrible! Dealing with my husband's ex, having to deal with the wonderful (sarcasm here) people at the local cable/internet company, combined with really overdoing it at the gym last week, and then getting sick has not made me a very pleasant person to be around.

But TODAY....woke up and all was right with the world! You ever have those days when you wake up smiling? That's how today has been. I'm not feeling funky anymore, except for a lingering cough. I was able to ride my exercise bike 5 miles before heading into work which helps to put me into that "I can conquer the world" mode.

The weather out has been super hot, but no worries...I am grateful that I work somewhere where the air conditioner works, I have an air conditioner in my car, and a house that (finally) stays cool.

I was able to do day 3 video of the 28 day bootcamp (now that my computer is up and running), and get in some additional strength exercises.

I haven't been able to exercise for the past few days and didn't realize how much I actually missed it and the "buzz" you get from a good workout.

A friend of mine that I haven't seen in almost a year came by the house today. She looked at me and said "Wow, you have really lost some weight!" It's kinda weird hearing that all the time from people. But then she went on to say as she was leaving, "I'm sorry I'm staring, I just can't believe how great you look". I can't lie...I like the compliments. And why shouldn't I? I've worked hard to get where I am!

It feels good to be back.....

Blah, Blah, Blah and other uninteresting stuff....

I don't know why, but it seems just as soon as I get over one thing and think...Yay!, I can get back to a good workout routine....something else just seems to slap me in the face.

This past Wednesday, my PT kicked my butt with the squats that my thighs were sore for days. I mean cringe when you get up from a chair kind of sore. I even had trouble just getting into bed without doing some adjustments. I bought a new dance DVD on Friday and my legs felt good enough to give it a try on Saturday.

Alright....back in the action!!!

Slap....Slap....Slap! (That's the slap in my face that knocked me to the ground).

Woke up yesterday with my nose stopped up, my ears were stopped up, felt dizzy and thought surely my head weighed 50 lbs. All in all.....I just felt like crap. No working out for me....sigh.

Went to work today even though I was still pretty much out of it. My energy has just been zapped.... And as much as I want to ride my bike, do some strength training or my DVD, I think I better not. Hoping to feel better tomorrow and be able to get moving.

The weight is not going to come off with me just sitting here - but I'm also not going to push myself too hard when I'm not feeling well just to end up feeling worse.

Will be back in the saddle again soon!

Day 4 with Personal Trainer

So, I had to skip a week because my PT was out of town attending a funeral last week. I still went to the gym last week, but didn't hit it as hard. I did work out at home with my weights and my bands. But goodness....yesterday, he really worked me hard!

We (I mean I) started of by warming up on the treadmill for 5 minutes...2 min walking at 3.6 and 3 minutes jogging at 4.9. Next was 20 stairs with 2 squats on each stair and then running down the stairs. Squats are NOT my favorite thing, but I am really improving and can do them without much difficulty now.

It was fast and furious from then on.....bicep curls with 20lb dumbell, tricep kickbacks with 7lb dumbells, alternating bicep curls - 7lb dumbell, leg extensions, leg curls, chest press machine, ab crunches and even more.....

Yes, we got a lot in. I was sweaty and I felt a rush! I think that's what I like the most - the rush that I get from working out. You see so many people coming out and they have this look of "I'm just wiped out...and I'm NEVER going back to do that again". But for me, it gets me pumped up. It makes me WANT to do more. I want to see how far I can push myself.

When I work out, even if it is with some puny small amount of weight that others would just sneer at, it makes me feel invincible!

I am thinking of trying a Zumba class at the gym tonight. They have one that meets a little after I get off work today. I have heard they are great fun. I wish I had someone to go with me. Going the first time by myself is a little intemidating for me. If I can just make myself "do it", I'm sure it will be fun.

Today is also my official weigh-in day. I keep a scale under my desk at my office and weigh in once a week on Thursdays. Honestly don't know how I did this week as I have been a little off kilter. We'll see.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink....

Huh? What's that got to do with anything?

Yesterday at work, we had a company rep stop by. I haven't seen her in a few months. She's a little younger than me...single and looking for Mr. Right. Last time she came by, she took myself and a couple of co-workers out to lunch. I stuck to ordering something off the menu that did not contain lots of calories, fat etc. The others ordered cheeseburgers and fries with cheese....yeah.

So yesterday when she stopped by, she said, "Wow...you have really lost a lot of weight!"

I smiled and accepted the compliment by simply saying, yes and thank you. I didn't jump up and down and say...Can you believe I've lost 54 pounds!. (On the inside I wanted to, but I didn't)

Her next words are the words I hear from everyone who has commented on my weight loss: "How did you do it?"

I don't know what they expect to fall from my mouth..maybe some new type of miracle cure...or a potion that you take at night and the next morning you wake up and the fat is just gone..POOF!

I can tell you what they don't want to hear - which is the truth. My answer is and will always be: I have changed my eating habits and the way I look at food. I am very conscious of what I am putting in my body. I exercise in some form everyday.

You can almost see the let down in their face as my words roll out of my mouth.
Nope..no miracle. It takes determination, dedication, and hard work.

The next thing I hear will vary, but it is usually in some form of an excuse. This time it was , "Oh, I hate to exercise."

And yes, I have heard before, "I could never do that" ; "I just don't have willpower to stick with it"; "Maybe someday I'll give it a try".

There are times I wish I could put my hands on their shoulders and just SHAKE them!

So, my conversation yesterday ended with "Find something you like to do and then do it". I would like to believe that would happen, but I know it won't.

Just like anything else in life, if it something you REALLY want, you will find a way..you will make the time..you will work at making it happen.

I'm not superwoman, a person with miraculous abilities to just make the weight disappear. I'm just like everyone else, but maybe I just want it more than others.
I work hard everyday, I struggle with food issues, and yes there are days when even I don't want to exercise. I had the courage to face myself, accept that a change HAD to take place, and a willingness to overcome my fears and thoughts of failure.

Okay, I'm off my soapbox for the day. Meeting my personal trainer at lunch today - first day after two weeks. He had a death in the family and was out of town. I'm really looking forward to hitting it hard today!

Crawling out of my hole

The past few days have been difficult. I don't mean difficult as in sticking to my eating plan or feeling like I'm falling off the wagon.

Life in general seemed, all of a sudden, to be closing in on me. I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions that I was feeling overwhelmed and completely not in control. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was sinking in a hole desperately trying to claw my way to the top. Have you ever felt like that?

It's horrifying...at least it is for me. Because, that is the old me. The me, that was in counseling for depression. The me that just wanted to run away from everything because I felt that I couldn't get it together...I couldn't deal with anything. It was bad. Self-pity and fear was my prison.

Yesterday, I felt that I was at my lowest. With 3 kids of my own and 3 step kids, ex wife, ex huband, full time job, housework, bill paying, laundry...you get the picture....there is ALWAYS something I have to deal with. Sometimes, I wish I had a remote control and could just put everything on PAUSE, just long enough to breathe and think clearly. But that is not always possible.

I had not felt like exercising...period. I told myself excuses of why I can't exercise. I hate excuses! It's too hot outside; it's too hot inside; I don't feel like it; I don't want to put on my workout clothes, etc. etc. etc.

My husband works at night, so it was just me and the four kids (oldest two are pretty much grown and have moved out). I came home from work, cooked dinner, then cleaned up the kitchen. I was still pretty much in my crappy mood. I read my book for 1/2 hour, then put on my workout clothes and worked out doing cardio and weights for 1 1/2 hours.

Wow! After I was done, I felt so much better. Working hard and going at it helped me release all the emotions I had been feeling. Concentrating on something that I could control made me feel 10 times better...emotionally stronger and more equipped to deal with "stuff" I deal with, sometimes on a daily basis.

I felt that I had climbed out of the hole that I was sinking into. Not only did I climb out, but I was able to jump away from that hole.

Exercise is not only beneficial for your physical health, I believe it is essential for your mental health as well. I wish that when I was in such a bad state of mind last year that someone would have suggested or encouraged me to exercise more just for that reason.

So, when you are feeling down and you don't feel like moving your butt off the couch or out of the bed, that is when you need to the most.

My Biggest Supporter - My Husband

My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years and this past June, we have been together for 5 years. It is our second marriage for us both. Between the two of us, we have six children. I don't write much about my "personal" life, but just felt that I needed to get this out there.

I was married previously for almost 20 years to a man who complimented me probably no more than I could count on one hand during the total time we were married. No wonder I failed miserably at losing weight. I was doing it in order to gain his love. I had the mentality that if I looked better, if I lost the weight, maybe he would love me more. In the end, it didn't matter...I could have been as skinny as a toothpick and it wouldn't have changed things. I know that now.
Marriage over...done with that.

Enter Brian.

Brian and I met and it was like love at first sight. Whirlwind romance....3 weeks later he asked me to marry him. 8 months later we were married. He loved me for the person that I was at that time....not what my weight was. Over the next few years, we both put on some weight. I loved to cook....he loved to eat. When he ate, I ate.....it catches up with you. But no matter what, EVERYDAY, he told me that I was beautiful....even when I knew I wasn't. EVERYDAY, he told me how much he loved me.

My husband NEVER made comments on my weight or me being "overweight". He just kept loving me.

Fast forward to today. My husband loves me today just as much as he loved me back then. The change in my weight did not make him love me more, because he has always loved me. Does that make sense?

He does tell me how proud he is of me and knows how hard I have worked to get where I am. He is the one that encouraged me to join the gym. He bought me an exercise bike for my birthday. Brian is always willing to try my new "healthy" recipes, even if it is something he doesn't like.

Brian believes in me. He has never made me feel that I can't do something that I want to try. If I fail, he encourages me to try again. I have never heard him say, " I told you so".

This is what he posted on Facebook yesterday, "Right now I am thinking how lucky I am to have such a beautiful,sexy wife and how much in love I am with her!"

My husband is my biggest fan, cheerleader, supporter....and I love him for sticking by me through it all.

28-Day Bootcamp Challenge

So I decided today to join the sparkpeople.com's 28- Bootcamp Challenge.

I like it because it is organized. It tells you what you need to do each day to complete your daily goal.

Today was day 1 of week 1.

This weeks goals are: 1. Track your food for at least 3 days
2. Do 1 - 10 minute bootcamp workout video (free on their
site) each day.
3. Do an additional 10 minutes of cardio for five days
4. Track your workouts


On another note, I weighed in today....and drum roll please...dadadaaaad:

3 lbs gone!

That brings my total to 54 lbs.

I am definitely not the same person I was before...on the outside or on the inside.

I feel like a caterpillar who has turned into a butterfly and is ready to be set free!

I love knowing their are so many opportunities out there and the fact that I never know what tomorrow might bring.

Life is GOOD!

Trying a New Routine...

I have been getting very lazy in the mornings...getting up having a cup of coffee and eating my cereal or oatmeal then getting on the computer. I check my email..check facebook...do a post on my blog...then check sparkpeople.com. By the time I was done, I had no time left for getting in any exercise in the morning. Something had to give.

So, I'm trying something new to see how it works. The past couple of mornings I have been able to get out of bed at 5 AM. I then go ahead and take my shower and put on my work out clothes...go grab a cup of coffee and eat my cereal or oatmeal. And then I'm out the door at 6am headed to the gym. I carry my work clothes and make up with me. And I do all my blogging and computer stuff at night (in between all the household stuff I have to take care of when I get home).

So far so good.

It takes about 30 minutes to drive to the gym. I start work at 8 am, so that gives me a pretty good amount of time to work out and then get changed and get into the office.

Yesterday, I did the 5K loop on the treadmill - alternating between running/jogging and briskly walking. I completed it...but it took me 40 minutes. Now, that may seem really long to you seasoned runners. But, I have to say, I was so proud of myself. That is the first time I had ever done it! I ran 2 miles and walked he 1.1 mile left. Run 1/4 mile, then walk 1/8 mile...alternating the whole distance.

Then last night, I used my resistance bands working my arms, abs, and thighs. Pooped, I went to bed at 10 pm.

Up again at 5AM and out the door by 6AM. Got to the gym a little later than yesterday...hmmm..not sure how.

Hit the treadmill again, hoping for a repeat performance of yesterday...but my body had other ideas.

I had to stop at 2.5 miles - just a half mile short of completing because my knees were begging me to STOP NOW!

My knees were really sore, so in an effort to keep from having any injuries that would keep me from running, I decided to listen to my body and give it a rest. My legs felt pretty weak when I got off the treadmill, but off to work I went. Sweaty, stinky...and SORE!

I hobbled around the office bringing amusement to everyone. But it will pay off in the end.

Think I might skip riding the bike tonight. I think I hear my whirlpool tub call my name.

I Want to Be in the Parade.....

It happens the same time every night, or should I say morning. Would you consider 3AM in the middle of the night, or early early morning? It doesn't matter..night, morning...I should be asleep at 3AM.

But I wake up with all these thoughts bombarding my mind. Things I have been feeling, things I want to say....they are all there trying to compete with each other to win a spot on the next blogging post.

It seems to take me forever to clear my head and tell myself that it can wait and that I really need the sleep. After about an hour I will drift back into la la land, if only for an hour or so.

Just giving you a little background on where my blog title above and post came from. So, if it seems incoherent or just words rambling on, remember...it WAS 3:00 this morning.



I started thinking about life and how you can compare it to a parade. I want to be in the parade, not on the sidelines waving and watching it pass by.

I have been on the sidelines for far too long....43 years to be exact. Sitting, watching, and waiving and sometimes smiling...but most of the time envious of the people passing by me.

I don't want to sit on the side lines any longer. You remain in one spot and nothing ever changes except the parade.

I want to be in the parade. I want to have fun, wear bright colorful clothes, dance, sing, make people smile and laugh. The parade moves, it goes places, it sees new things, it enjoys new scenery.

When you are in the parade, you make yourself available to other people...you put yourself out there for everyone to see....

You cannot hide like you can when you are on the sidelines just trying to blend in with the crowd.

I don't want to watch life passing me by anymore....I want to LIVE my life. I want to ENJOY my life....I WANT TO BE IN THE PARADE!

You have a choice....you can sit on the curb and waive as the parade passes you by...or you can join in dancing and singing down the street.

What are YOU going to choose?

Blogging will resume later today....

Good morning! I'm not going to do my early morning post as I am heading out to the gym for a workout before heading into the office.

I will catch up on my posting sometime later today, so if you stopped by this morning, please stop by again later!

Thanks!!

Jiggly, Jiggly, Jiggly, Goo......

Let me start of by saying that this is NOT an upbeat, encouraging, "you can do it", post today.

I do try and stay positive. I want to encourage others on their journey. But let's face it, I'm human, I'm not perfect. And NOBODY can be positive everyday.

So, today, I will whine, I will complain and I will get it out of my system so tomorrow I can focus on the task at hand.

Yes, I have now lost over 50 lbs and while that truly makes be ecstatic knowing that I have come so far, look and feel better, have gone from a size 16-18 to a loose size 10....I look in the mirror and see all the jiggly goo staring back at me and it makes me depressed.

I know I shouldn't be, but dang....I can shake my leg and my upper thigh looks like jello from the extra skin. I can poke around my abdomen area underneath my belly button and it's so wobbly and jiggly and NOT firm at all! I can take and grab over two inches of skin on my hips in between my fingers.

Yesterday, we went boating. I didn't want to wear my skirted bathing suit bottom because I wanted to wear my capris as well. I found in my drawer a bathing suit bottom from 1997. I can still remember the last time I wore it...I was at the lowest weight I had been in a long time. So I put them on...and the back sagged because my butt wasn't big enough to fit in them. I never thought I would ever hear myself say that my butt isn't big enough...lol.

You would think that would make me feel great...and it did....that is until......

We were on the lake and I was sitting on the back of the pontoon boat, enjoying reading my book while everyone was swimming in the lake. I looked down and there were my thighs....

I gasped...."Oh my - I can't believe how big my thighs are!" My thighs looked liked flat long pancakes. If I propped my legs up on the seat in front of me and kind of positioned myself on my side so I could read... the top of my thighs where they meet the hips looked completely deformed. I was so taken aback...that I made my husband come over and look how deformed it looked.

Of course, my husband didn't think anything about it. He thinks I look great and is very proud and extremely supportive of all my efforts. But.....

This isn't really about what he or any other person views or feels about the way I look....

It's about me...how I view myself....

How I feel about the way I look....

And part of me is telling myself that maybe the more weight I lose, the more vain I am becoming.

I mean, I know I look 10 times better than I did just 6 months ago....with my clothes on

But.....

I want to look and feel that way...with my clothes off.

I want to be toned and firm. I want to be the me that I picture myself when I close my eyes, not the jiggly mess of goo that I see staring back at me from the mirror.

My doctor has already told me that no amount of exercise is going to get rid of the extra skin around my mid section and that it would have to be surgically removed. I also know that by getting rid of it, it would reduce the amount of skin that is sagging down into my thighs and even around to what is sagging onto my butt. I know this because I can pull and tug at it and see the difference it would make if the skin was tightened up. It's depressing to see the difference it could make.

My bust area is a whole other story. I have lost 8 inches off of my chest since the end of February, when I started this journey. I have gone from 44 inches to 36 inches.....but my cup size has not changed...at all. I am still a DD bordering on a DDD.

My doctor thinks due to this, and the fact that I am still losing, that this may cause additional back problems (I also have scolioses). I have an appointment in a few weeks with a surgeon to discuss a possible breast reduction. My doctor suggested that while I am there to go ahead and talk to him about a tummy tuck.

My doctor has also stated that with all the extra skin combined with the weight from my breasts, it might make it more difficult to get to my goal weight of 125. By getting rid of the extras....it could get rid of maybe 10lbs!

So....now that I have whined (and cried)....this is my plan:

I will continue my strength and toning exercises combined with cardio.
I will tighten up my ab muscles as much as possible (if I do decide to have surgery, it is very important that I do this)
I will keep training to run the 5K in October.

I will talk to the surgeon and then do tons of research before making a decision.

I will not let my own insecurities rob me of my accomplishments!

I will keep on going....I will NOT stop!

(If you have read this far....thank you for sticking all the way to the end)

My New Toy....

Last night, my 16 year old son and I went out to eat for dinner. It is very rare that we are able to do this, just the two of us.

I didn't sweat it about the calories. I feel that the choice I made was o.k.....I could have done better, but I knew what I had eaten earlier that day and felt it was o.k. to splurge. So I ordered "Yolandas". It was 3 chicken enchiladas with ranchero sauce, mexican rice and a guacamole salad. I at one enchilada and 2 bites of another, half of my rice, and none of the salad (I'm not really into guacamole). Anyway, I was FULL! Took the rest home in a to go box.

Afterwards, my son and I headed to Walmart to pick up some stuff that we needed. Mostly, we went to get him a new phone.

Then we walked back to the sporting goods section. I bought a new 8lb dumbbell. I always look around to see what I can purchase to add to my "stash". I wish I had enough room to really have a home gym, but thankful for the room that I do have now.

I bought a resistance band. I had been wanting to try one out for some time, but never did. Then one day at the gym, my trainer gave me one to do bicep curls. Wow...that was hard! I was hooked.

I didn't take it out of the package until today and as soon as I started using it, I wondered why I didn't buy one earlier. These things are GREAT!!!

There are SO many different exercises you can do with a resistance band from an upper body workout, to lower body workout and even core exercises. This is definitely one piece of equipment that I will be using on a daily basis. It was funny, because everyone in the family from hubby to the youngest kid wanted to use it. Next time, I think I'll buy a shorter one to go with my collection.

And whats more great about it is that you control your workout from low impact to high impact. Its perfect for the beginner as well as the seasoned pro.

Wonder if I can get buy using one at work sitting at my desk....hmmmm. Might have to give that a try.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!!

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

Yesterday, I went to my doctor bright and early for my weigh in and blood pressure check.

The Good: I had lost 10 pounds since my last checkup! YAY!

The Bad: My blood pressure had shot up to 146/102! YIKES!

Since I was just there for the check and I didn't have an appointment, I was told I would need to make an appointment to see the doctor. Bummer.

The appointment desk said they didn't have anything open until Monday. Wanted to know if she could call me if there was a cancellation between now and then....definitely.

I left the office almost in tears...well, not almost. I was in tears. I was angry, frustrated, and upset all at the same time. Why was my body trying to hold me back? I eat the right things; stay away from the wrong things; drink gobs and gobs of water, and get in plenty of cardio and strength training. I just couldn't figure it out.

Went back to my office and tried to hide how upset I was. I went and weighed in on the scale that I use every week and was please to see a 2lb weight loss. That made me feel a little better.

On I went with my day until 12:30 when I get a call telling me they had a 2:00 cancellation and did I want it.....Yes!

After talking with my doctor (who happens to be the greatest doctor in the world), and going over anything unusual I have taken, she thought the rise in my blood pressure might be related to the fact that I took a Mucinex a couple of days before. Remember me posting about my headaches and the sinus pain? Little did I know that Mucinex will cause your blood pressure to rise even up to a week after it has been taken! Glad I took just the one. But to be on the safe side, she ordered the usual tests...blood work, urinalysis, etc. Everything came back normal. It was determined that I do have a sinus infection, however.

So, now I have another antibiotic for the sinus infection (if you know me, you know I'm not really keen on antibiotics), a prescription for blood pressure medication (just in case it doesn't go down on its own over the course of the next few days), and a vitamin D prescription (because she said I have the lowest vitamin D levels of anyone she has ever seen).

The Ugly - I lifted up my shirt, and pulled my skirt down and said, "Does this look like fat, or excess skin". I just have a jiggly blob there that just won't go away...it just gets more jigglier(is that even a word?).

She looked, she grabbed, she shook her head.

"Yes, that is excess loose skin from your weight loss. It won't go away, unless you decide to have it surgically removed".

She suggested that while I am having the consultation in a couple of weeks with a surgeon to discuss my boobs (sorry for being so frank), that I have him look at the area around my lower mid section as well for a possible tummy tuck.

Sigh.

I hate pain.

Did you know that after having that procedure you cannot return to work for at least 4 weeks!

So, I guess I will wait until I talk with the surgeon and try not to worry about it too much until then...not anything I can do about it anyway.

I'm going to put all my effort and concentration into getting my blood pressure back in check. I've worked too hard to get off those darn pills to have to be put back on them.

Day 3 with Personal Trainer

Yesterday's session started off like the week before with a 5 min warm up on the treadmill - 3 min walking at 3.5 and 2 min jogging at 4.7.

Then it was on to strength training, weights, stability and abs. Instead of doing 2 reps on the machine, I did one rep and moved quickly to another and did basically a circuit and then started over.

My trainer did comment that he can see definition in my arms...Yay! I can see it too, but it's great when someone else actually notices. I wish I could see them from the back...that's kinda hard to do even with a mirror.

Anyway, we tried some new things, increased some weight and really moved around. We went from working on the arms (I wish I could remember the names of those darn machines)to working on my legs with two leg and one leg extensions.

He had me do two different types of squats..man could I feel them. And then it was on to lunges (I can tell you, I hate lunges, but I will do them because I know it is good for me).

Then it was time to move upstairs to work on the abs. Lying on a mat with my hands positioned behind me, I had to lean my back at an angle and raise my legs bent and then straighten them out. Then when pulling them in, I was to pull my body up at the same time. I was lucky to get 12 done. Then it was time to bicycle in the air - same position as before and then reverse. Got it done and was definitely feeling it.

A couple more ab exercises and the 50 minutes were done.

When I got back to the office, I was feeling it everywhere. And now that it is the next morning, I feel better, but I think I might have pulled something in my back on the right side. It's feeling like there may be a catch in it. So, I'm going to take it a little easy and see if I can get it worked out.

Today, I go to the doctor for a weigh in and to have my blood pressure taken. While I there, I'm going to talk to her about the headaches and the feet swelling and see if she has any suggestions.

Well that's all for now. Happy Thursday!

Food - Friend or Foe

Our body needs it to survive, but too much of a good thing is well..... disastrous.

Our cars need gas to go, but what happens if you try to fill it up too much? It just overflows...gets everywhere...and it stinks! All the extra gas you tried to put it doesn't do your car any good because it doesn't need it! Or what happens if you put diesel fuel in a car that only takes unleaded? Ummm...problems are definitely ahead!

The same goes with food and our bodies. Food is not the enemy, we need it to survive..simple as that. We are our own enemies, because we do not know when to stop. We keep shoveling it in even when we are not hungry...even when we do not need it to "fuel" our bodies. Not only that, but when we are hungry, we tend to fuel our bodies with the wrong kinds of foods. Foods that may satisfy us at the moment, but down the road...we conk out.

Our bodies can do amazing things when we feed it properly. Food is not the enemy and we need to condition our mind into thinking that way.

So, now I am climbing off my soapbox, going to the mirror and reading aloud to myself what I just wrote. Why? Because, it's easy to write what you know to be true. But it's another to make sure that you really hear it and take it in and make it part of your daily life. I don't want to just talk the talk. I want to walk the walk.

It's a battle I deal with daily. And if someone tells you that they never struggle with food issues...they are lying. It's a learning process....all part of the journey.

I hope everyone has a wonderful "hump" day. I'm off to meet with my personal trainer at lunch to see what new torture he has devised for me. Just kidding...I really look forward to the new challenges.

Headaches...

I have been having problems with headaches lately. Ones that just seem to go on for days. They are really putting a crimp into, well....everything!

I wake up with a headache, the last thing that is on my mind is climbing on to my bike and get moving. Any kind of bouncing, fast movement is out.

They just make me feel tired and after awhile, just plain cranky.

At first, I thought maybe I wasn't eating enough, so I amped up my calorie intake...but nope..headaches still there.

Next, maybe it's my pillow that I'm sleeping on. So I tried different pillows...nope, still there.

More sleep? Less sleep? Ack! This is driving me crazy!

But, night before last, I woke up around 2:00 am with an incredulous headache. Have you ever had one that wakes you up? My right side of my sinuses was completely stopped up and I could feel the pressure. Got up, took a couple of tylenol and some Mucinex.....and an hour later, my headache was gone!

It is back today, but I think the culprit is my sinuses. I did not sleep well last night and was too stubborn to get up and take something.

so, instead of riding my bike right now (like I should be doing), I'm going to finish up my posting, check out a couple of things on the ol' computer, and then go get ready for work.

I got in a great workout last night, about 1 1/2 hours. Hopefully, I will be re-energized tonight to get in a 1 1/2 to 2 hr workout as well.

Have a great Tuesday!
Angela (who is so ready to get back to my routine)

Some Questions that I Get Asked......

1. Question: How much weight have you lost?

Answer: I have lost a total of 49 lbs. Just 1 pound shy of 50.

2. Question: What diet plan are you following?

Answer: I do not follow any "diet" plan. I have changed my eating habits by eating healthier foods, more veggies and fruits, less sugars, sodium, and high calorie junk. Sodas have been cut out and have been replaced with 8 glasses of water a day. I am much more conscious of the foods that I am putting in my body.

3. Question: What made you decide to take on this new lifestyle?

Answer: The Ah-Ha moment was at the doctor's office Feb. 2010 when weighing in, I didn't even want to look at the number on the scale. I was thinking, "I hope the nurse doesn't say what my weight it. But no....You're weight is 205. Ugghh! That plus the fact that my blood pressure had to be taken twice...the first time it registered 200 / 148. Next time it was 185/148. That was life threatening! I decided that I didn't want to die and needed to make some serious changes in my life.

4. Question: How did you get started?

Answer: I read everything I could get my hands on about nutrition and healthy living. I didn't want to "diet", but really make a lifestyle change. I quit cold turkey and changed what I was eating. I started exercising by just walking around my house, walking in place, marching in place,
really putting more effort into my housework. I let people know at work what I was doing. I joined the gym, at my husband's insistance. I started watching "Biggest Loser" and was inspired by their courage and determination. I have read cover to cover several times "Biggest Loser, Six Weeks to a Healthier You". And Basically, I became my biggest fan.


5. Question: How much more weight do you want to lose and what keeps you motivated?

Answer: I want to lose 31 more pounds for a total of 80 pounds which would put me at 125. My doctor would be happy for me to reach 145. I know staying motivated is hard for some people. I like to hear/read stories of other people who have been where I am and have succeeded. I like the way I feel when I put on clothes that were once too small to fit into. I like it when my husband tells me I look sexy.

But more than that, I like the person that I have become - strong (physically and mentally), confident, and ready to tackle the world. I don't want to go back to the person I was before. The person who was just existing in life instead of living it.


Side Note: More questions and answers to come another day. Still need to get my Monday morning workout in before getting ready for work :)

Sorry...no mind blowing title today

Yesterday I took a break. Not just a break from blogging, but a break from everything in general.

It is very rare that I do not have some place that I have to be. So, yesterday, I just ENJOYED being at home. I did some cleaning, watched a movie, played around on the computer.

And....GASP....I even took a NAP!

I didn't ride my bike, I didn't workout to my fave DVD, and I didn't even lift any of my weights!

And guess what? The world didn't stop. I didn't wake up to find that I could no longer fit into my clothes. I didn't feel that I wanted to quit exercising.

I gave myself permission to have some down time. My body needed it. My mind needed it. And isn't that what it's all about - listening to your body and learning to trust what it is telling you?

Today, feeling much more rested and ready to go, I got my 6 mile stationary bike ride in first thing this morning, planned my menu and grocery list for the week, and took care of some house cleaning that still needed to be done. I'm about to head out to the grocery store for my weekly grocery shopping. And then, who knows? I might go the gym, or I might stay home and workout to the DVD or get some weight lifting in.

Happy Weekend!

Guilty as charged....

Like so many other posts I have written, this is NOT what I had intended or plan to write today. But since it is on my mind now, the best thing for me is to just write it down and get it out of the way.

I looked up the word guilt in the dictionary:

guilt (glt)
n.
1.
a. The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.
b. Law The fact of having been found to have violated a criminal law; legal
culpability.
c. Responsibility for a mistake or error.

2.
a. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
b. Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.

You may be asking yourself where I am going with this.

I was reading another blog the other day and the question was posed: "Do you feel guilty if you do not work out everyday?"

I didn't think much of it at the time, that is until last night.

I was sore yesterday from the previous day's workout, so I blew off my morning exercise with the promise that I would get some in at the gym at lunch. That didn't go as planned because I left my gym clothes and shoes at the house. "No prob", I thought to myself - I would get in a workout when I got home that night.

Once I got home, I took off my shoes, and my feet were horribly swollen, tight and painful yet once again. So I had resigned myself to staying off of them, trying to prop them up and get them iced down.

But, the guilt from not working out all day started to set in. I felt that I couldn't just sit there and NOT do anything. So, I did some floor exercises that did not require me to stand on my feet. I did modified pushups, crunches, leg lifts, hip abduction, etc (you get the picture). For some reason, I just couldn't let it go - I mean the guilt. Why would it be too hard for me just to say -"Today, I need to rest - tomorrow I'll get back to it". Guilt, guilt, guilt. In my head, I felt that I really had no excuse for not getting in some type of exercise. And if I didn't, I would be lazy. I know I'm not lazy, but that's how I felt. The truth is, I don't want to feel guilty for missing a day of exercise, or eating something that is considered unhealthy (once in a while). It's just another one of those hurdles that I will work on getting over - you know, learning that world is not going to end over this one hiccup - learning that I won't get "fat" just because of one setback.

Guilt - it can be a powerful motivator....or it can keep you from doing what needs to be done.

Anyways...thanks for listening. Feeling better just getting off my chest...now I can move on!

Day 2 with Personal Trainer

I was going to take my camera with me so I could get some pics to go along with the post, but left my camera at home.

Yesterday was my second meeting with the personal trainer at the gym. Our schedules are tight so we meet up during my lunch hour. I wasn't sure what to expect this go around.

I started off by warming up for five minutes on the treadmill - three minutes walking at 3.5 and two minutes jogging at 4.5. Let me input something here...I had been using the C25K program and still on week one. The longest that you jog is 60 seconds and the walk for 90 seconds and keep alternating for 20 minutes. I hadn't jogged for two minutes yet...and I did it! And the amazing thing is, when my two minutes were up, I felt I could keep on going!

Next it was on to the gym machines...leg presses, 50-70 pounds, 2 reps @12 each. I could really feel it in my legs when done. Worked the arms on various machines, chest, and back.

We went over to the free weight section and he handed me a 30 pound barbel and wanted me to do curls. It looked light enough...I can do this. He handed it to me and at first it was no problem. When I reached about the 7th curl, I could feel the burn and I had to really push myself to get to 12. I rested for 30 seconds and then set out to do it again. I focused my eyesight on one point and began. I could hear the trainer saying, "Rest if you need" and "Do you need me to help". I was determined I could do this without any help. I fixated my sight on one point in the room, I continued to breathe and made it to 12 without stopping and without help. It was a great feeling of accomplishment! But, it also made me feel really whimpy because it was just 30 pounds!

After that it was over the head pushes with two 7 lb weight. This was right after the 30lb dumbells. But I did it...2 sets of 12.

I did some additional exercises before he let me go. Even as I was leaving, I could feel the workout in my muscles. But this is why I am here...this is what I want...this is what I NEED.

When I got home last night, it was just my son and I. I made BLTs for dinner, with Turkey Bacon...yum! My son (15) actually prefers turkey bacon over regular bacon and I think it tastes better too.

I checked my emails, etc on the computer and decided to round out the day with one more workout (oh...I also rode my stationary bike that morning for 5 miles). I love my DVD Fat Burning Jam - Dance Off the Inches. It lasts for 30 minutes and I really worked up a good sweat doing it. It felt great to have such a productive day!

On another note, upon waking this morning, my body feels like it has been run over by a semi truck - yep, you got it - sore muscles. But that's okay...it just means that I am working muscles that need to be worked. The soreness will go away and I will continue. But for today, I'm going to take it a little bit easier in the workout department. I might go for a treadmill walk at lunch or a bike ride tonight...we'll just have to see.

Will try and post some pics another time.

Obstacles are Made to be Overcome....

The video below is about a truly inspirational woman who decided that she wasn't going to let any obstacle get in her way of leading a more healthy lifestyle.

When I first read this woman's story, all I could hear was the many times I have whined about why I couldn't do this, couldn't do that...whine, whine, whine. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to whine sometimes. This woman is determined to not let ANYTHING stop her. She works around the obstacles, she jumps over the obstacles, she knocks the obstacles on their butts!

Are you letting someone or something tell you that you CAN'T do it? Why?
What's in your way today?

My Sleep Problem Last Night.....

I re-wrote the title of today's post no less than five times.

Let me first say that this post really doesn't have anything to do with sleep. Tracking my food is the real culprit. I have been pretty lax when it came to actually writing down what I have eaten during the day and coming face to face with what I am actually putting into my body. I kinda new what was going in, the amount of calories, yadda, yadda, yadda. Why would I need to keep track of it...I'm doing perfectly fine....or so I thought.

So, a couple of days ago, I decided I would be more consistent in journaling my food, along with calories and nutrtional value. I answered a few questions to set my nutritional goals. Goal for calories, carbs, fats, and proteins which are necessary to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Each one of these is needed in your eating plan in order for your body to function properly. You shouldn't cut any of these completely out of your eating plan.

After tracking my food for just two days, it has come to my attention that I am depriving my body of necessary items it desperately needs. I thought I was doing great...but my calorie intake is too low. Too low of all things!

Did you know that when your calorie intake is too low that your body will go into survival mode? This means that your body thinks that it is starving, that there is not enough food for it to function. It will then start holding on or storing what little it has so it can keep on going. So, really instead of losing weight ....you will see that you might even gain weight at this point.

You really DO have to eat in order to lose weight.

Okay...back to post title. The last thing I did last night before going to bed was to enter in my last snack of the night and run my daily nutrition report. Yes, it came up short - again.

All night long, that is all I dreamed about...tracking food...how many calories...etc, etc, etc. I woke up this morning and thought..."I can't believe I have been thinking about food all night long!"

Yes, I'm sleepy this morning. Yes, I'm going to continue to track my food. Yes, I'm going to post the progress.

I hope everyone has a great Tuesday...gott go and try and get some exercise in before heading off to work!

Celebrating the Little Things

Hope everyone had a great and safe holiday! I am really looking forward to getting back into my normal routine. After being on vacation, having the step-kids here for a couple of weeks and then the holiday weekend, I am soooo ready to get back to "normal" again.

I know I'm late getting this post in today, but I'm off work today and slept in a bit and then have spent the morning on Sparkpeople.com. If I'm not careful, I could be on there for hours! If you haven't checked it out or joined..(it's free), I encourage you to do so. There are a lot of great people there and the site is loaded with info, tools and motivation for any stage of your journey you might be in.

As you can see from the sidebar, I didn't lose any weight last week...but I didn't gain any either. I was on vacation and I gave myself permission to cut myself some slack. So I was thrilled to know that I was able to maintain my weight at the same time.

It got me thinking as I stood in front of my mirror the other day...what are some of the other things that I can "celebrate" about where I am on this journey. You know, you have to look at other things besides the number on the scale. That number does NOT tell the whole story. It is just a number...a guide, if you will.

So, here's my list ...silly as some things may be...

1. My thighs no longer rub/touch each other when I walk!
2. I can actually wrap a towel all the way around myself when I get out of the
shower.
3. I can bend over and tie my shoes without my face getting red and feeling like I
can't breathe.
4. I can stay up past 9:00 pm without being exhausted.
5. Stressfull things/situations do not bother me as much as they would have in the
past.
6. I now like wearing sleeveless shirts(my arms have a little more definition and
less flab)
7. No more granny panties! (next comment is a little personal...skip over if you
do not want to know) Discovered that I LOVE thongs! - who would have ever guessed
that I would even consider purchasing one...much less actually wear it!
8. I am able to love my husband even more because I have learned to love myself.
9. I have noticed I watch less T.V.
10. I look forward to waking up each day and knowing that I am LIVING my life and
not just watching it pass by.

What are you going to celebrate today?

Tossing the Magic Wand

Instant Gratification

We, as a people, have been conditioned for that. Just look around you. Whatever we want, we feel that we need and deserve it "NOW". The TV commercials tell you this, and maybe you even have the "keeping up with the Jones'" syndrome. Some of even eat to feel this instant gratification that food can bring...that feeling of satisfaction (until later when the guilt sets in).

What I'm trying to say is that there isn't a magic wand, a magic cure, or an overnight miracle that will instantly take the pounds off, change your life, or your attitude. If you are looking for a quick fix, sure, you might find one...but it will not last.

So many people get discouraged or even give up during their first week or even month because they do not see the big changes that they had hoped or expected. They are wanting a magic wand to fulfil their wish. But that's just not how it works.

You HAVE to have the commitment and determination that you are not in it just to see a number on a scale. This is not just about losing weight, but trying to figure out patterns in your life that brought you to this point and what is keeping you here, and how to make that change that you need. It's about learning about you.

One thing I have learned is gaining weight is usually the result of something else in your life, not the cause of it. This is a key element in obtaining the results you seek. For instance, people usually think they are unhappy because they are "fat"...but what if you looked at it as "I have been eating and gaining weight (fat) because I am unhappy." You then take the focus off of the weight loss and put the focus on the cause of your unhappiness. When you figure that out, you will find that you will can be more in control of yourself, what you eat, why you eat, and your outlook on everything around you.

Let's face it....this process is up to YOU! YOU make the difference. YOU have the power to change within yourself. If you are waiting for a fairy godmother, a handful of magic beans, or a magic potion to change your life....you might as well get used to disappointment.

WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK?

My Incredible Shrinking Closet

Each morning is always the same. I open the closet door, walk in, and stare at the clothes that are hanging there.

It reminds me of my kids opening the refrigerator door, looking around and closing it deciding there was nothing in there they wanted to eat - only to open it five minutes later to look again,as they hear me shout from another room, "It's not magic! New food doesn't appear every time you close the door!"

That's how I feel about my closet - hoping that each day I look in there, new clothes will magically appear. It hasn't happened yet....and unless my fairy godmother somehow shows up out of nowhere, I don't think new clothes will just materialize.

So, what does one do when, not only are the size of your clothes are shrinking, but the amount of clothes you have to choose from are also shrinking?

If you are still in the weight loss process, it is hard to justify going out and spending gobs of money on new clothes, just to have them become too big in a month or two. An unless you are a seamstress, taking your clothes in for alterations can also be costly.

For me, the solution was to buy second hand. I am fortunate to have a Goodwill store close by. I know some of you are saying, "yuck". But it works. The Goodwill store here has .99 cent days on Wednesdays and Sundays. I will usually go and pick up one or two things here or there. For $1.00, I can afford to replace clothes as I continue to slide on down the scale. I have bought jeans, nice work blouses, dress capris, T-shirts, and skirts. Matter of fact, most of the clothes I now have are Goodwill purchases.

Clothes that are outgrown are either given back to Goodwill, or given to someone else. My hope is to find a women's shelter where I can donate the clothes.

You don't have to go around cinching up your britches, or wearing clothes that just drape you. If you can't find a Goodwill in your area, try finding other thrift, second hand, or consignment shops in your area.

Routines and an Update

I am a routine kind of person. I have always been. I like routines and lists. I will make a list for everything, from grocery shopping to cleaning, from dinner menus to bill paying. My husband has even made fun of me for this habit...but hey, its what works for me.

My eating and exercising really is no different. I try and make a plan for each day. If you have followed my food log on the side bar, you have probably noticed by now that my breakfast and first snack are usually the same everyday, oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast and a banana for snack. It's what I like and I don't get bored with it. When I get up, I don't even have to think about it, its just automatic.

I try and eat during the day around the same time each day...it just seems to help me stay on track. Like I said before, its not even something I think about now, it is just done as a habit (a good habit).

Exercise is almost the same way...but I do change it around a bit. I try to get it in before work, during lunch break (if I don't have errands to run), and again at home after work.

I love routines. Did I already say that? Having a routine helps me stay focused on whatever task is at hand.

People are different. I know some that like to fly by the seat of their pants, and that works for them. What works for one person may not necessarily be the best way for the other. You just gotta find your own pace.

Now for an update....Yesterday, I was one pooped puppy. I thought I was tired the day before riding in a car for 12 hours, 800 miles, 3 kids and 1 husband (who would only stop twice..Grrr). But it really must have caught up with me yesterday. I did five loads of laundry and got them all put away except one.

Because I committed to start my 5K training yesterday (see earlier post), I went to the gym and the family tagged along. They went to the pool while I stayed inside and proceeded with my workout.

The first day of week one indicates warm up by walking briskly for 5 min. Then you are to alternate run for 60 sec and then walk for 90 sec. You do the alternating for 20 minutes. That went great...no problem! Yay!

After that, I was eyeing those dastardly eliptical machines (The Machines of Death). "Hmmm", I thought. "There is no one else in here, I'll give it another chance."

I figured, why not. I'm already sweaty. If anyone comes along, it'll look like I've been on this thing for awhile! (Yeah, I know..deception, not my proudest moment). Anyway, I climbed on and got it started moving. Looked at the direction for the arms. Did I want my arms to push or to pull. Decisions, decisions. I think I must have been thinking on that way too long. Oh heck, just push the button already! Now, I don't even remember what I chose. So off I go! Still on level one...but I'm doing it. I decide to just shoot for 5 minutes. I didn't seem as difficult this go around as the first time. But 5 minutes was enough for me. When I looked at the display at the end of my 5 minutes....I had burned 14 calories. 14 CALORIES...are you kidding me...was that all? . SIGH. I WILL do better next time. Yes, I said next time. I will master that eliptical machine...I am now on a mission!

After that, I did go and do a little strength training...arms and legs.
Then enjoyed sitting out by the pool with my husband while we watched the kids play in the pool.

At home, hubby cooked dinner. I was the last one to finish eating and it was all I could do to keep my head from falling onto my plate. I was going to try and get 5 miles of biking in....but opted to go to bed instead. I was instantly asleep when my head hit the pillow. Ahhhh....

I Am More Than Just a Number

I am more than a number.

I am more than just my age.

I am more than just my weight.

I am more than just the size I wear.

I am more than the calories I consume.

I am more than the number of minutes I exercise.


I am a mother.

I am a wife.

I am a daughter.

I am passionate.

I am determined and strong.

I am loving and caring.


I will not let numbers determine who I am or who I can be.

Move Aside or I'll Run You Over......

Okay, maybe that was a little much. It's more like, move aside, you're in my way and might cause me to fall. But at the moment right now, I feel like I could mow anyone down. It's amazing how different you look at things when you are feeling more confident and stronger.

I originally started this blog because I wanted to chronicle this journey in hopes that it would help others see that they can do it to. But the further I go, I realize that by blogging, it is helping me be more accountible for the things that I do. I wan't to be able to look back a few months, years, etc. and be able to see how far I've come, the things that I've accomplished, and the obstacles that I've overcome.

Back to the blog post....running. In all my years, I have NEVER been a fan of running. And when I say, all my years, I mean going back to childhood. I was just something that I have never been able to master. I was always slow, and never could go very far without getting out of breath or my sides hurting. I hated playing sports because most involved some sort of running, jumping, etc. In school, when it would be near the end of the year, I dreaded field day. You remember...the relay races, sprints, etc. I would always try and find a way to be able to stay home on that day. As my teenage years rolled around, it didn't get any better. I had "blossomed" by that time (if you know what I mean) and let's just say I was very blessed in that way. But, it made pretty much any type of physical activity a bit more difficult. So, I just didn't participate..at all.

I have always wanted to run. Sometimes, when I dream, I dream that I am running and it's like I'm just floating and it just comes so easy.

Now that I have lost weight and I am eating healthy, I think it's time to make that dream a reality. I am tired of hearing myself say "I can't do it". It's time to change that mentality to "I can and I will do it".

So, here and now...I am making that commitment. I AM going to run in a 5K.

I've made the commitment...now what? I have a personal trainer who is going to help me reach that goal. I am going to start following the Couch to 5K training plan---starting on Wednesday (when I get back from vacation). I am going to log my progress EVERY day (stay tuned).

So, away I go!

Vacation Post

Here I am, a long way from home (no pun intended toward blog title). No bike, no exercise DVDs, and not a lot of control over food. So how do you stay on track when your routines have been turned upside down?

You make choices..just like you do everyday. Of course your choices may have to be tweaked a bit. Even though you are not in control of the circumstances that may surround you, you are still in control of you.

"Okay..." you say, but what exactly does THAT mean?

For me, I am going with the flow. I don't have a plan, a menu, or a exercise routine to adhere to. But even so, I know what my limits should be. I know that I can pretty much eat whatever I want, but will watch my portions. There may be things I will pass up and maybe things I can substitute....but I'm NOT going to stress over it.

So what that I won't be able to get on my bike....no big deal! What does a few days matter in the grand scheme of things? If I can do some strength training while I'm here, walk when I can, have fun with friends - and not just be a lazy couch potato...then I'm doing great!

I CAN be away from my ritualistic environment, have a great time, enjoy myself, enjoy being with friends, and still be able to be true to myself.

So, I know I didn't explain this great. It's in my head and it loses something in translation by putting into words. So I will just end with this.

I am ME. I trust ME to do what is right for ME. Because that is what it all really comes down to...trusting yourself to do what is right...not what is right for someone else, but what is right for you.

Vacation Time

We are hittin' the road at midnight tonight on a 12 hour car trip to Michigan to visit some friends. I know, midnight seems like an odd time to start the trip. Husband works second shift, gets off at 11:30 pm...by the time he gets home, I plan to have the SUV packed and ready to go. All he will have to do is change his clothes and help me load the kids. He's used to staying up after he gets home, so driving will be a breeze for him, and I can catch a little shut-eye. Then I'll take my turn driving while he gets a little sleep. And HOPEFULLY, the kids will sleep most of the way there. I am looking forward to spendng time with my husband. Our schedules are so different, sometimes days go by that we don't get to see each other..or talk to one another except by phone. It's hard...and I hate it.

This will be the first time we have gone on a LONG trip with just his kids. My youngest son is still at his dad's enjoying a vacation in Florida. My 19yr old has opted to stay here and house/dog watch since he has to work. And of course, my oldest (22) doesn't live with me.

We are taking a 10yr old, 11yr old, and 14yr old. Sleeping good...fighting bad.

Had the kids make a list of snacks they wanted to take on the trip. Got the usual...chips, chex mix...etc. However, one of them asked for fruit to take on the trip, and another one wanted baked pita chips and hummus dip. Maybe I'm starting to rub off on them. Now...if I could just get my husband on board (whole different discussion to be saved for another day).

I am taking my weights with me. That way I know I will at least be able to work out some. My ankles have been giving me problems again. It was to the point last night that there was no way I would be able to do cardio or ride my bike. They were swollen and the right was painful. After I did some household chores and got some things together for our trip, I sat and iced my ankle, took a diuretic(as the doctor suggested)to get rid of any fluid buildup, and then I did my nails.

Honestly, I can't believe how depressed I was because I couldn't exercise. It is very frustrating. I have this fear that I'm going to gain back the weight that I have lost. I just had to keep telling myself that one day of not exercising is not the end of the world...but still . I'm sure that this being "that time of the month" is not helping either with my moodiness. But this too shall pass.

On another front, if you read an earlier post about my search for a bathing suit, I did find one! Yay! Bought it at Kohl's. I did buy two separate pieces that are two different sizes. And it's exactly what I was looking for...and better yet...on SALE!
Took the 10yr old step-daughter with me (it's nice to have a girl to go shopping with you. - She's the only girl...yep 5 boys and 1 girl). Her mom bought her a bathing suit not even a few weeks ago before she went to camp. But the shoulder strap has almost ripped all the way off and the counselors at camp told her that her suit was too small. We looked at swimsuits for her too while there and found a cute 3pc suit. The top is a tankini...doesn't show her mid-section. Has regular swim bottoms and then a little swim skirt that goes over the bottoms. It's black and hot pink. Very cute and modest. Was a little worried though when we got home and she shouted out to her brothers, "Hey, come look at my sexy new swimsuit!"..whoa...sexy?
Gotta have a talk with this girl.

Jumping to another subject (I know, I'm all over the place with this post), my personal trainer sent me a very apologetic email about missing our appointment. He said it was just making him sick that this happened and offered me free personal training sessions for as long as I wanted if I would just give him another chance. He promised that he would help me reach all my goals. So, we are going to start new on July 7 and see where it goes. You see, I want to run a 5K before my next birthday.

Well, getting late and I need to get ready for work. Hope everyone has a most excellent and HEALTHY Friday!

I am on a Journey, Not in a Race

I have had this blog title rolling around in my head for quite some time now. There are mornings when I hop in the shower after working out, and there it is, just floating in my brain. Funny the things that you think about in the shower. My mind would start drifting away thinking of what I wanted to say. And now that I'm actually writing, I can't seem to remember what I discussed with myself during those thought filled showers.

So, I'm just going to shoot this one from the hip.




There are some who look at losing weight the same way as running in a race. You have a starting place and a finish line and the quicker you get past the finish line, the better. A race can usually be a fairly short distance. It's usually on level ground (think running track), and your focus is simply to get past the finish line and do it in the shortest amount of time possible. You don't look to your left or right..you don't notice anything around you. Again, you just want to get to the finish line.

What do you think of when you say "journey". To me, there is no time limit. There are hills and valleys to cross...ups and downs. You have time to think, to observe, to learn and to understand. When you are on a journey, you are not focused on crossing a finish line, because there isn't one to cross. When you are on a journey, your focus is not just on that final number where you want to be, but everything else in between that will get you there.

I am on a journey...I don't know when or if it will ever be over...only I get to decide that...not a line drawn somewhere with the words "Finished" painted on it.

I am on a journey...I know that there will be bumps along the way, but it will not stop me.

I am on a journey...I know that I can't do it alone, I need help and support.

I am on a journey...I can take the time and get to know me again.

I am on a journey...I know time is not a factor.

I am on a journey...I will learn to use this time wisely and make good choices.

I hope your journey takes you to new, wonderful and exciting places!

Just a Little This and That

So yesterday, I didn't post any now pictures. I know, I know...the before pics don't do any good with out a now pic to compare it to. I had every intention of posting one. Even had my stepson take a picture of me. But when I looked at it, honestly, I felt a little disappointed. Did I really look like that? I deleted the picture and vowed to try again another day thinking maybe a different outfit will make me look better.

I used my DVD - Dance Off the Inches yesterday morning. It's a 30 minute DVD and boy was I sweating when it was done! But I felt so good when I was through. I think I'm finally getting the hang of the DVD and I can do it all the way through without having to stop and catch my breath - progress.

I had had planned to go to they gym during my lunch and get on the treadmill. I never thought I would miss being on the treadmill, but I do. Unfortunately, I packed my gym clothes and conveniently left them on the kitchen table. Sigh.

After getting home from work, I made dinner for me and the kids...veggie soy burgers for the two vegetarians and turkey burgers for me and step-daughter. I had put all the fixins on the counter. When I asked step-daughter if she wanted anything on her burger, she wanted to know if she could have bacon. I don't know what it is with that girl and bacon. That is all I hear about is how much she loves bacon.

I rode 11.5 mile on the stationary bike, and worked up another good sweat. I used to hate to sweat. But now, when I do, I think, "Wow, I must be working really hard."
It's a great feeling.




I've been trying to get in more water during the day. I really need to start logging my water intake to see how much I'm really getting. I'm also trying to make sure that I get enough raw vegetables and fruit in everyday. You know, it's really not that hard. Eating this way is becoming more and more of just a habit...a habit I plan on continuing.

Let's see, anything else.....oh yeah. I have my second meeting with the personal trainer during my lunch today. All I know is that he said he was going to some bootcamp thing this past weekend and he wanted to incorporate some of that today. So, I have no idea what I'm in for. I am glad to have someone to really push me to my limit.

I have had tendonitis in my ankle so I just need to watch it and keep it iced when needed and take some ibuprofen. I'm determined not to let it slow me down or keep me from getting my exercise in.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Hope everyone has a great day.

Some Before Pictures

I haven't posted any before and during pictures. I had to really look for some before pictures, because I have always hated having my picture taken. Even now, when I look at a photo, I think, "Do I really look like that?" In the pictures, I see the bags under my eyes, the double chin, and a mouth that looks too big for my face.

So, here are a couple of before pictures I found. Maybe I can talk someone into taking a couple of now pics and post them as well.





Sorry, I couldn't find any with me standing up. The first picture is pretty much how I felt all the time - worn out and exhausted. Now, I find that I do have more energy. Wow...I can actually stay awake past 8 pm!

I'll try and post some "now" photos later today.

What's all the Hype about Fiber?

When I started on this journey, my main focus was to get healthy and be able to lead a more healthy lifestyle. Losing weight is just part of the transition.

I started trying to read everything I could get my hands on. What I like the most and could relate to was The Biggest Loser - 6 Weeks to a Healthier You.. It helps to explain what our body needs and why it needs it.

We have watched commercials about this food or that food is high in fiber. We have seen food in the store where the box states "high in fiber". It seems everywhere you look, foods that are high in fiber are the latest craze. But why? What does fiber do for our bodies? All I have seen on commercials is that it is good for your heart.

Fiber is a type of carbohydrate. Our bodies cannot absorb it, so it needs to be replinished. There are two types of fibers: Soluble fiber and Insoluble fiber. Each performs differently in our bodies.

Soluble fiber will dissolve in water and become a gel like substance in your digestive tract. Sounds gross, but this is important because it will help trap fat and cholesterol so can't get through the wall of your intestine and into your bloodstream. Therefore, the fat and cholesterol won't reach your heart.

Insoluble fiber does not dissolve in water and improves your digestion. (I'm sure you have heard people complain about constipation - they need more fiber).

How much fiber should we strive to add to our diet? The National Institute for Health recommends at least 5 grams of soluble fiber a day in addition to insoluble fiber. You should try and get 10-25 grams of fiber per day into your diet.

So how can you do this? What foods are fiber rich?

**For soluble fiber, eat plenty of fruits, beans and whole grains.
**For insoluble fiber, try some of these: cauliflower, brussellsprouts, cabbage, whole wheat breads, and wheat bran.

**Try and stay away from the "white stuff" (more on that later), such as white bread and white rice and go for their whole grain counterparts.

**With your veggies, make sure you are getting some raw veggies in your diet (especially those with skin)- they have the most fiber. When you cook these veggies, it could reduce the fiber content.

**Make sure that when you are increasing your fiber intact, that you are drinking plenty of water which will help to keep your digestive tract moving.

**Don't forget about those snacks! Try air popped popcorn, small serving of dried fruit, whole wheat crackers, or a small serving (2 tbsp) of humus.

All in all, eating fiber is an excellent way to help protect our heart from fat and cholesterol. Which is why on the Cheerios commercials you hear them say it will help to lower your cholesterol. Now you know why and how. It also helps aid in the health of our digestive system.

So the challenge for today is look at the foods that you are eating - are you getting enough fiber? Find ways to incorporate more fiber in your diet.

Letting it All Hang Out (Or should I say, tryin' not to)

We are going on a mini vacation soon. I haven't been in a bathing suit in years and decided it would be nice to be able to carry one on this trip. Seems simple enough...WRONG!

Since losing weight, my waist, hips and but have shrunk (which I am very thankful for) from a size 16-18 to a size 12. However, even though I have lost 6 inches in my chest froma 44 to a 38, my cup size hasn't budged. I am stil a DD bordering on a DDD.

Can you see my problem?

In order to fit me on top, everything else is too big. I decided to get separates. You know where you can buy the top separate from the bottom because they are not sold in sets. Seems like a solution, except the tops were marked from small to large and I found a couple that were marked D. The good news is that they did carry the kind of bottom I wanted - one with a skirt attached - I want something that will cover up my hiney.

When I got home, I searched online for DD bathing suits and was able to locate some that I liked. But, I just don't think I can bring myself to pay $80.00 or more for just a bathing suit top.

The search continues. Hoping I can find something that fits at a reasonable price.

I know this is a short post. Maybe I'll be able to post more later.

My Meeting with the Personal Trainer

My first meeting with the personal trainer went well, at least I think it did. Yes, my feet were swollen before I arrived. But I shoved them in my sneakers anyway. I was determined I wasn't going to let that hold me back.

He had me warm up on the treadmill for 10 minutes, starting out at 3.0 mph and increased to 3.5. This was all at an incline of 0. I'm used to an incline between 3.5 and 5 and speed of 3.0. So, this was pretty easy for me. He talked to me the whole time and I had to talk back so he could see that I was able to speak during this...it helps to determine if you are working too hard.

Next we moved on to the machines. When I go to the gym by myself, I am always intimadated by them because they have to be adjusted and I don't want to look like an idiot when I can't get them properly adjusted.

Today he wanted to work on push and pull techniques - alternating between upper body and lower body. Started with push on lower body, then moved to pull on upper body and continued to rotate in that manner. I have to tell you, I LOVE working on the weight/strengthening machines!

I learned that even though I have been working out with weights, that my upper body strength still sucks...but I'm gonna work on improving that.

I worked out about a total of 45 minutes and this was all done during my lunch hour!

I feel more confident that when I go back to the gym by myself that I will be able to adjust and use the machines without looking stupid. I will repeat this routine every other day. 1 day with a trainer and 2 days without. You are supposed to give your muscles a day in between to rebuild after breaking them down.

I will meet with the trainer again next Wednesday, same time. He said he is going to a bootcamp this weekend and wants to incorporate some of that next time we meet. So, we will see what surprises are in store next week.

All in all, it feels really good knowing that this is something that I am doing for me. And not only is it for me...but I'm the one making it happen!

Life is What it is - Unpredictable

Even the best plans and intentions can be thrown a curve ball when reality is standing on the pitcher's mound.

Remember my post yesterday about how you have some good days, some bad days, yadda yadda yadda....MMMM...I think that might have a been a premonition of things to come.

Yesterday, I come home from a crazy busy day at work. I was mentally exhausted. I needed to thaw something out in the microwave so I could cook dinner. The outlets in the kitchen had tripped - again. No power for the microwave, coffee maker, can opener...

So I thought, no problem, I'll carry the microwave over to my island where there is a plug that is not on the same circuit. So I pick up this heavy microwave, carry it over to the island. When I go to plug it in...the plug won't reach. So, again I thought, no problem, I'll get the extension cord. I go out to the garage and finally locate the extension cord and plug it in. I take the microwave plug and go to plug it into the extension cord - the microwave has a 3-prong plug....the extension cord is not made for a 3-prong cord. AGH!!! So by this time, my son is asking me if he and his brother can just cook a pizza. I said, "Go for it". I ate the salad that I had made for lunch, but didn't have enough time to eat. And that was that.

After checking the computer - facebook, email, blog, I decide to go ahead and change out of my work clothes into something to workout. While changing, I look down at my feet. OMG! My ankles and tops of my feet have swollen up like giant balloons! I immediately go get on the couch and put my feet up. My son brought me over the pamphlet for the antibiotics I started last Wed for the urinary bladder infection I had last week. Sure enough, one of the possible side effects/allergic reactions is swelling of the ankles. I make a call to the doc on call and explain the situation. His advice...immediately stop taking the antibiotic, stay off feet for a couple of days until the meds leave your body, ice it when you can, drink plenty of fluids and said I could take a diuretic if I wanted to help get rid of the excess fluid. Basically, what he was telling me is "no, you cannot ride your bike. no you do not need to get up and do aerobic excercise."

Once again, I was not able to get in a good workout yesterday. I feel like a giant water balloon. When I went to bed, I had to take my rings off because my hands had started swelling. This was a big deal that my rings started feeling tight because since I had lost weight, my rings have been very loose, almost to the point that I am afraid that they might actually fall off if I'm not careful. So, having them actually cut into my fingers is a little worrisome.

Here it is morning and some of the swelling has gone down in my feet because I have not been on them in hours. They still feel tight and I'm sure once I start moving around, I'll see the swelling agin. My hands feel tight and I'm sure to someone else, they don't look swollen at all.

I'm still going to go to my personal training session today, even if I'm a giant water balloon.

Tomorrow is my weigh in day, and I'm sure due to the lack of exercise and the additional fluids my body has seemed to want to retain, I will end up with a weight gain. We'll see. If I do, at least I'll know why and also know that the next week the additional weight should be gone and then some.

Don't let life totally derail you from the plans you made....you just might have to take a detour for a while.

One Day at a Time

*note added later - I forgot to mention that I met with the dentist to discuss the work that my son needed to have done to his teeth. I was in shock when handed a detail price summary for all the work needed for a (drum roll please) cost of $6,902.00 - and this is AFTER the insurance has paid.

What's on My Mind

So, I woke up this morning struggling about what I wanted to post this morning. I'm just going to say what is on my mind right at this moment.

Not everyday is going to be a great day. You just have to accept it. There will be ups and downs, wonderful days and sucky days, days you feel you can take on the world and days that you just feel defeated. It's all in how we deal with those less than perfect days that count. Do you turn to food? I know in the past, that was part of my problem. When I felt that I was being caught beneath an avalanche of stress and problems, I turned to food....whatever was in the house at the time; cookies, brownies, ice cream, potato chips - I mean anything. You know its bad when you seek out the chocolate can of frosting and after eating half way through the can, you try and hide it - 1. so no one else will get into it and 2. so no one will know your secret. It's a vicious cycle. Feel bad; eat(need that instant gratification); then feel even worse for eating what you just ate.

So now, I still have those days when I feel that everything in the world is wrong, when stress and pressure build up making me want to scream. But now I know that eating junk doesn't make the problems go away, or even make them better. In fact, it just adds to the problem and would make me feel guilty and depressed. When I have a less than perfect day, I now turn to exercise. It gets my hear rate up, it makes me feel stronger, it makes me feel more in control of me. I am in control of how I react to stress...I make the choices. Food is no longer in control...fear is no longer in control. Is there temptations to turn to food....sure! There are still sweets in my pantry along with the chips (sorry, but the frosting had to go), there is ice cream in the freezer. But, I am in control of the choices I make.

I told my family and others, one thing I would really like to have at home....a punching bag. I think it would be great exercise and a great way to let out built up stress and frustrations. Hmmm... I might just have to check in to getting one....SOON! (if you have teenagers, you can relate - and if your kids are still small, sorry, but whatever you are going through is nothing compared to the teenage years so brace yourself now!)

One more thing, I am taking another step outside of my comfort zone by going to meet with a personal trainer tomorrow. I'm really excited and nervous at the same time. There are some goals that I have set for myself and I think by doing this, it will help me reach them. I want to run a 5K. This would be a really big deal for me because I have never been able to run. So, I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Happy Tuesday. Don't let food and fear control you!