So, I had to skip a week because my PT was out of town attending a funeral last week. I still went to the gym last week, but didn't hit it as hard. I did work out at home with my weights and my bands. But goodness....yesterday, he really worked me hard!
We (I mean I) started of by warming up on the treadmill for 5 minutes...2 min walking at 3.6 and 3 minutes jogging at 4.9. Next was 20 stairs with 2 squats on each stair and then running down the stairs. Squats are NOT my favorite thing, but I am really improving and can do them without much difficulty now.
It was fast and furious from then on.....bicep curls with 20lb dumbell, tricep kickbacks with 7lb dumbells, alternating bicep curls - 7lb dumbell, leg extensions, leg curls, chest press machine, ab crunches and even more.....
Yes, we got a lot in. I was sweaty and I felt a rush! I think that's what I like the most - the rush that I get from working out. You see so many people coming out and they have this look of "I'm just wiped out...and I'm NEVER going back to do that again". But for me, it gets me pumped up. It makes me WANT to do more. I want to see how far I can push myself.
When I work out, even if it is with some puny small amount of weight that others would just sneer at, it makes me feel invincible!
I am thinking of trying a Zumba class at the gym tonight. They have one that meets a little after I get off work today. I have heard they are great fun. I wish I had someone to go with me. Going the first time by myself is a little intemidating for me. If I can just make myself "do it", I'm sure it will be fun.
Today is also my official weigh-in day. I keep a scale under my desk at my office and weigh in once a week on Thursdays. Honestly don't know how I did this week as I have been a little off kilter. We'll see.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink....
Huh? What's that got to do with anything?
Yesterday at work, we had a company rep stop by. I haven't seen her in a few months. She's a little younger than me...single and looking for Mr. Right. Last time she came by, she took myself and a couple of co-workers out to lunch. I stuck to ordering something off the menu that did not contain lots of calories, fat etc. The others ordered cheeseburgers and fries with cheese....yeah.
So yesterday when she stopped by, she said, "Wow...you have really lost a lot of weight!"
I smiled and accepted the compliment by simply saying, yes and thank you. I didn't jump up and down and say...Can you believe I've lost 54 pounds!. (On the inside I wanted to, but I didn't)
Her next words are the words I hear from everyone who has commented on my weight loss: "How did you do it?"
I don't know what they expect to fall from my mouth..maybe some new type of miracle cure...or a potion that you take at night and the next morning you wake up and the fat is just gone..POOF!
I can tell you what they don't want to hear - which is the truth. My answer is and will always be: I have changed my eating habits and the way I look at food. I am very conscious of what I am putting in my body. I exercise in some form everyday.
You can almost see the let down in their face as my words roll out of my mouth.
Nope..no miracle. It takes determination, dedication, and hard work.
The next thing I hear will vary, but it is usually in some form of an excuse. This time it was , "Oh, I hate to exercise."
And yes, I have heard before, "I could never do that" ; "I just don't have willpower to stick with it"; "Maybe someday I'll give it a try".
There are times I wish I could put my hands on their shoulders and just SHAKE them!
So, my conversation yesterday ended with "Find something you like to do and then do it". I would like to believe that would happen, but I know it won't.
Just like anything else in life, if it something you REALLY want, you will find a way..you will make the time..you will work at making it happen.
I'm not superwoman, a person with miraculous abilities to just make the weight disappear. I'm just like everyone else, but maybe I just want it more than others.
I work hard everyday, I struggle with food issues, and yes there are days when even I don't want to exercise. I had the courage to face myself, accept that a change HAD to take place, and a willingness to overcome my fears and thoughts of failure.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox for the day. Meeting my personal trainer at lunch today - first day after two weeks. He had a death in the family and was out of town. I'm really looking forward to hitting it hard today!
Yesterday at work, we had a company rep stop by. I haven't seen her in a few months. She's a little younger than me...single and looking for Mr. Right. Last time she came by, she took myself and a couple of co-workers out to lunch. I stuck to ordering something off the menu that did not contain lots of calories, fat etc. The others ordered cheeseburgers and fries with cheese....yeah.
So yesterday when she stopped by, she said, "Wow...you have really lost a lot of weight!"
I smiled and accepted the compliment by simply saying, yes and thank you. I didn't jump up and down and say...Can you believe I've lost 54 pounds!. (On the inside I wanted to, but I didn't)
Her next words are the words I hear from everyone who has commented on my weight loss: "How did you do it?"
I don't know what they expect to fall from my mouth..maybe some new type of miracle cure...or a potion that you take at night and the next morning you wake up and the fat is just gone..POOF!
I can tell you what they don't want to hear - which is the truth. My answer is and will always be: I have changed my eating habits and the way I look at food. I am very conscious of what I am putting in my body. I exercise in some form everyday.
You can almost see the let down in their face as my words roll out of my mouth.
Nope..no miracle. It takes determination, dedication, and hard work.
The next thing I hear will vary, but it is usually in some form of an excuse. This time it was , "Oh, I hate to exercise."
And yes, I have heard before, "I could never do that" ; "I just don't have willpower to stick with it"; "Maybe someday I'll give it a try".
There are times I wish I could put my hands on their shoulders and just SHAKE them!
So, my conversation yesterday ended with "Find something you like to do and then do it". I would like to believe that would happen, but I know it won't.
Just like anything else in life, if it something you REALLY want, you will find a way..you will make the time..you will work at making it happen.
I'm not superwoman, a person with miraculous abilities to just make the weight disappear. I'm just like everyone else, but maybe I just want it more than others.
I work hard everyday, I struggle with food issues, and yes there are days when even I don't want to exercise. I had the courage to face myself, accept that a change HAD to take place, and a willingness to overcome my fears and thoughts of failure.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox for the day. Meeting my personal trainer at lunch today - first day after two weeks. He had a death in the family and was out of town. I'm really looking forward to hitting it hard today!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Crawling out of my hole
The past few days have been difficult. I don't mean difficult as in sticking to my eating plan or feeling like I'm falling off the wagon.
Life in general seemed, all of a sudden, to be closing in on me. I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions that I was feeling overwhelmed and completely not in control. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was sinking in a hole desperately trying to claw my way to the top. Have you ever felt like that?
It's horrifying...at least it is for me. Because, that is the old me. The me, that was in counseling for depression. The me that just wanted to run away from everything because I felt that I couldn't get it together...I couldn't deal with anything. It was bad. Self-pity and fear was my prison.
Yesterday, I felt that I was at my lowest. With 3 kids of my own and 3 step kids, ex wife, ex huband, full time job, housework, bill paying, laundry...you get the picture....there is ALWAYS something I have to deal with. Sometimes, I wish I had a remote control and could just put everything on PAUSE, just long enough to breathe and think clearly. But that is not always possible.
I had not felt like exercising...period. I told myself excuses of why I can't exercise. I hate excuses! It's too hot outside; it's too hot inside; I don't feel like it; I don't want to put on my workout clothes, etc. etc. etc.
My husband works at night, so it was just me and the four kids (oldest two are pretty much grown and have moved out). I came home from work, cooked dinner, then cleaned up the kitchen. I was still pretty much in my crappy mood. I read my book for 1/2 hour, then put on my workout clothes and worked out doing cardio and weights for 1 1/2 hours.
Wow! After I was done, I felt so much better. Working hard and going at it helped me release all the emotions I had been feeling. Concentrating on something that I could control made me feel 10 times better...emotionally stronger and more equipped to deal with "stuff" I deal with, sometimes on a daily basis.
I felt that I had climbed out of the hole that I was sinking into. Not only did I climb out, but I was able to jump away from that hole.
Exercise is not only beneficial for your physical health, I believe it is essential for your mental health as well. I wish that when I was in such a bad state of mind last year that someone would have suggested or encouraged me to exercise more just for that reason.
So, when you are feeling down and you don't feel like moving your butt off the couch or out of the bed, that is when you need to the most.
Life in general seemed, all of a sudden, to be closing in on me. I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions that I was feeling overwhelmed and completely not in control. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was sinking in a hole desperately trying to claw my way to the top. Have you ever felt like that?
It's horrifying...at least it is for me. Because, that is the old me. The me, that was in counseling for depression. The me that just wanted to run away from everything because I felt that I couldn't get it together...I couldn't deal with anything. It was bad. Self-pity and fear was my prison.
Yesterday, I felt that I was at my lowest. With 3 kids of my own and 3 step kids, ex wife, ex huband, full time job, housework, bill paying, laundry...you get the picture....there is ALWAYS something I have to deal with. Sometimes, I wish I had a remote control and could just put everything on PAUSE, just long enough to breathe and think clearly. But that is not always possible.
I had not felt like exercising...period. I told myself excuses of why I can't exercise. I hate excuses! It's too hot outside; it's too hot inside; I don't feel like it; I don't want to put on my workout clothes, etc. etc. etc.
My husband works at night, so it was just me and the four kids (oldest two are pretty much grown and have moved out). I came home from work, cooked dinner, then cleaned up the kitchen. I was still pretty much in my crappy mood. I read my book for 1/2 hour, then put on my workout clothes and worked out doing cardio and weights for 1 1/2 hours.
Wow! After I was done, I felt so much better. Working hard and going at it helped me release all the emotions I had been feeling. Concentrating on something that I could control made me feel 10 times better...emotionally stronger and more equipped to deal with "stuff" I deal with, sometimes on a daily basis.
I felt that I had climbed out of the hole that I was sinking into. Not only did I climb out, but I was able to jump away from that hole.
Exercise is not only beneficial for your physical health, I believe it is essential for your mental health as well. I wish that when I was in such a bad state of mind last year that someone would have suggested or encouraged me to exercise more just for that reason.
So, when you are feeling down and you don't feel like moving your butt off the couch or out of the bed, that is when you need to the most.
Monday, July 26, 2010
My Biggest Supporter - My Husband
My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years and this past June, we have been together for 5 years. It is our second marriage for us both. Between the two of us, we have six children. I don't write much about my "personal" life, but just felt that I needed to get this out there.
I was married previously for almost 20 years to a man who complimented me probably no more than I could count on one hand during the total time we were married. No wonder I failed miserably at losing weight. I was doing it in order to gain his love. I had the mentality that if I looked better, if I lost the weight, maybe he would love me more. In the end, it didn't matter...I could have been as skinny as a toothpick and it wouldn't have changed things. I know that now.
Marriage over...done with that.
Enter Brian.
Brian and I met and it was like love at first sight. Whirlwind romance....3 weeks later he asked me to marry him. 8 months later we were married. He loved me for the person that I was at that time....not what my weight was. Over the next few years, we both put on some weight. I loved to cook....he loved to eat. When he ate, I ate.....it catches up with you. But no matter what, EVERYDAY, he told me that I was beautiful....even when I knew I wasn't. EVERYDAY, he told me how much he loved me.
My husband NEVER made comments on my weight or me being "overweight". He just kept loving me.
Fast forward to today. My husband loves me today just as much as he loved me back then. The change in my weight did not make him love me more, because he has always loved me. Does that make sense?
He does tell me how proud he is of me and knows how hard I have worked to get where I am. He is the one that encouraged me to join the gym. He bought me an exercise bike for my birthday. Brian is always willing to try my new "healthy" recipes, even if it is something he doesn't like.
Brian believes in me. He has never made me feel that I can't do something that I want to try. If I fail, he encourages me to try again. I have never heard him say, " I told you so".
This is what he posted on Facebook yesterday, "Right now I am thinking how lucky I am to have such a beautiful,sexy wife and how much in love I am with her!"
My husband is my biggest fan, cheerleader, supporter....and I love him for sticking by me through it all.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
28-Day Bootcamp Challenge
So I decided today to join the sparkpeople.com's 28- Bootcamp Challenge.
I like it because it is organized. It tells you what you need to do each day to complete your daily goal.
Today was day 1 of week 1.
This weeks goals are: 1. Track your food for at least 3 days
2. Do 1 - 10 minute bootcamp workout video (free on their
site) each day.
3. Do an additional 10 minutes of cardio for five days
4. Track your workouts
On another note, I weighed in today....and drum roll please...dadadaaaad:
3 lbs gone!
That brings my total to 54 lbs.
I am definitely not the same person I was before...on the outside or on the inside.
I feel like a caterpillar who has turned into a butterfly and is ready to be set free!
I love knowing their are so many opportunities out there and the fact that I never know what tomorrow might bring.
Life is GOOD!
I like it because it is organized. It tells you what you need to do each day to complete your daily goal.
Today was day 1 of week 1.
This weeks goals are: 1. Track your food for at least 3 days
2. Do 1 - 10 minute bootcamp workout video (free on their
site) each day.
3. Do an additional 10 minutes of cardio for five days
4. Track your workouts
On another note, I weighed in today....and drum roll please...dadadaaaad:
3 lbs gone!
That brings my total to 54 lbs.
I am definitely not the same person I was before...on the outside or on the inside.
I feel like a caterpillar who has turned into a butterfly and is ready to be set free!
I love knowing their are so many opportunities out there and the fact that I never know what tomorrow might bring.
Life is GOOD!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Trying a New Routine...
I have been getting very lazy in the mornings...getting up having a cup of coffee and eating my cereal or oatmeal then getting on the computer. I check my email..check facebook...do a post on my blog...then check sparkpeople.com. By the time I was done, I had no time left for getting in any exercise in the morning. Something had to give.
So, I'm trying something new to see how it works. The past couple of mornings I have been able to get out of bed at 5 AM. I then go ahead and take my shower and put on my work out clothes...go grab a cup of coffee and eat my cereal or oatmeal. And then I'm out the door at 6am headed to the gym. I carry my work clothes and make up with me. And I do all my blogging and computer stuff at night (in between all the household stuff I have to take care of when I get home).
So far so good.
It takes about 30 minutes to drive to the gym. I start work at 8 am, so that gives me a pretty good amount of time to work out and then get changed and get into the office.
Yesterday, I did the 5K loop on the treadmill - alternating between running/jogging and briskly walking. I completed it...but it took me 40 minutes. Now, that may seem really long to you seasoned runners. But, I have to say, I was so proud of myself. That is the first time I had ever done it! I ran 2 miles and walked he 1.1 mile left. Run 1/4 mile, then walk 1/8 mile...alternating the whole distance.
Then last night, I used my resistance bands working my arms, abs, and thighs. Pooped, I went to bed at 10 pm.
Up again at 5AM and out the door by 6AM. Got to the gym a little later than yesterday...hmmm..not sure how.
Hit the treadmill again, hoping for a repeat performance of yesterday...but my body had other ideas.
I had to stop at 2.5 miles - just a half mile short of completing because my knees were begging me to STOP NOW!
My knees were really sore, so in an effort to keep from having any injuries that would keep me from running, I decided to listen to my body and give it a rest. My legs felt pretty weak when I got off the treadmill, but off to work I went. Sweaty, stinky...and SORE!
I hobbled around the office bringing amusement to everyone. But it will pay off in the end.
Think I might skip riding the bike tonight. I think I hear my whirlpool tub call my name.
So, I'm trying something new to see how it works. The past couple of mornings I have been able to get out of bed at 5 AM. I then go ahead and take my shower and put on my work out clothes...go grab a cup of coffee and eat my cereal or oatmeal. And then I'm out the door at 6am headed to the gym. I carry my work clothes and make up with me. And I do all my blogging and computer stuff at night (in between all the household stuff I have to take care of when I get home).
So far so good.
It takes about 30 minutes to drive to the gym. I start work at 8 am, so that gives me a pretty good amount of time to work out and then get changed and get into the office.
Yesterday, I did the 5K loop on the treadmill - alternating between running/jogging and briskly walking. I completed it...but it took me 40 minutes. Now, that may seem really long to you seasoned runners. But, I have to say, I was so proud of myself. That is the first time I had ever done it! I ran 2 miles and walked he 1.1 mile left. Run 1/4 mile, then walk 1/8 mile...alternating the whole distance.
Then last night, I used my resistance bands working my arms, abs, and thighs. Pooped, I went to bed at 10 pm.
Up again at 5AM and out the door by 6AM. Got to the gym a little later than yesterday...hmmm..not sure how.
Hit the treadmill again, hoping for a repeat performance of yesterday...but my body had other ideas.
I had to stop at 2.5 miles - just a half mile short of completing because my knees were begging me to STOP NOW!
My knees were really sore, so in an effort to keep from having any injuries that would keep me from running, I decided to listen to my body and give it a rest. My legs felt pretty weak when I got off the treadmill, but off to work I went. Sweaty, stinky...and SORE!
I hobbled around the office bringing amusement to everyone. But it will pay off in the end.
Think I might skip riding the bike tonight. I think I hear my whirlpool tub call my name.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I Want to Be in the Parade.....
It happens the same time every night, or should I say morning. Would you consider 3AM in the middle of the night, or early early morning? It doesn't matter..night, morning...I should be asleep at 3AM.
But I wake up with all these thoughts bombarding my mind. Things I have been feeling, things I want to say....they are all there trying to compete with each other to win a spot on the next blogging post.
It seems to take me forever to clear my head and tell myself that it can wait and that I really need the sleep. After about an hour I will drift back into la la land, if only for an hour or so.
Just giving you a little background on where my blog title above and post came from. So, if it seems incoherent or just words rambling on, remember...it WAS 3:00 this morning.
I started thinking about life and how you can compare it to a parade. I want to be in the parade, not on the sidelines waving and watching it pass by.
I have been on the sidelines for far too long....43 years to be exact. Sitting, watching, and waiving and sometimes smiling...but most of the time envious of the people passing by me.
I don't want to sit on the side lines any longer. You remain in one spot and nothing ever changes except the parade.
I want to be in the parade. I want to have fun, wear bright colorful clothes, dance, sing, make people smile and laugh. The parade moves, it goes places, it sees new things, it enjoys new scenery.
When you are in the parade, you make yourself available to other people...you put yourself out there for everyone to see....
You cannot hide like you can when you are on the sidelines just trying to blend in with the crowd.
I don't want to watch life passing me by anymore....I want to LIVE my life. I want to ENJOY my life....I WANT TO BE IN THE PARADE!
You have a choice....you can sit on the curb and waive as the parade passes you by...or you can join in dancing and singing down the street.
What are YOU going to choose?
But I wake up with all these thoughts bombarding my mind. Things I have been feeling, things I want to say....they are all there trying to compete with each other to win a spot on the next blogging post.
It seems to take me forever to clear my head and tell myself that it can wait and that I really need the sleep. After about an hour I will drift back into la la land, if only for an hour or so.
Just giving you a little background on where my blog title above and post came from. So, if it seems incoherent or just words rambling on, remember...it WAS 3:00 this morning.
I started thinking about life and how you can compare it to a parade. I want to be in the parade, not on the sidelines waving and watching it pass by.
I have been on the sidelines for far too long....43 years to be exact. Sitting, watching, and waiving and sometimes smiling...but most of the time envious of the people passing by me.
I don't want to sit on the side lines any longer. You remain in one spot and nothing ever changes except the parade.
I want to be in the parade. I want to have fun, wear bright colorful clothes, dance, sing, make people smile and laugh. The parade moves, it goes places, it sees new things, it enjoys new scenery.
When you are in the parade, you make yourself available to other people...you put yourself out there for everyone to see....
You cannot hide like you can when you are on the sidelines just trying to blend in with the crowd.
I don't want to watch life passing me by anymore....I want to LIVE my life. I want to ENJOY my life....I WANT TO BE IN THE PARADE!
You have a choice....you can sit on the curb and waive as the parade passes you by...or you can join in dancing and singing down the street.
What are YOU going to choose?
Blogging will resume later today....
Good morning! I'm not going to do my early morning post as I am heading out to the gym for a workout before heading into the office.
I will catch up on my posting sometime later today, so if you stopped by this morning, please stop by again later!
Thanks!!
I will catch up on my posting sometime later today, so if you stopped by this morning, please stop by again later!
Thanks!!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Jiggly, Jiggly, Jiggly, Goo......
Let me start of by saying that this is NOT an upbeat, encouraging, "you can do it", post today.
I do try and stay positive. I want to encourage others on their journey. But let's face it, I'm human, I'm not perfect. And NOBODY can be positive everyday.
So, today, I will whine, I will complain and I will get it out of my system so tomorrow I can focus on the task at hand.
Yes, I have now lost over 50 lbs and while that truly makes be ecstatic knowing that I have come so far, look and feel better, have gone from a size 16-18 to a loose size 10....I look in the mirror and see all the jiggly goo staring back at me and it makes me depressed.
I know I shouldn't be, but dang....I can shake my leg and my upper thigh looks like jello from the extra skin. I can poke around my abdomen area underneath my belly button and it's so wobbly and jiggly and NOT firm at all! I can take and grab over two inches of skin on my hips in between my fingers.
Yesterday, we went boating. I didn't want to wear my skirted bathing suit bottom because I wanted to wear my capris as well. I found in my drawer a bathing suit bottom from 1997. I can still remember the last time I wore it...I was at the lowest weight I had been in a long time. So I put them on...and the back sagged because my butt wasn't big enough to fit in them. I never thought I would ever hear myself say that my butt isn't big enough...lol.
You would think that would make me feel great...and it did....that is until......
We were on the lake and I was sitting on the back of the pontoon boat, enjoying reading my book while everyone was swimming in the lake. I looked down and there were my thighs....
I gasped...."Oh my - I can't believe how big my thighs are!" My thighs looked liked flat long pancakes. If I propped my legs up on the seat in front of me and kind of positioned myself on my side so I could read... the top of my thighs where they meet the hips looked completely deformed. I was so taken aback...that I made my husband come over and look how deformed it looked.
Of course, my husband didn't think anything about it. He thinks I look great and is very proud and extremely supportive of all my efforts. But.....
This isn't really about what he or any other person views or feels about the way I look....
It's about me...how I view myself....
How I feel about the way I look....
And part of me is telling myself that maybe the more weight I lose, the more vain I am becoming.
I mean, I know I look 10 times better than I did just 6 months ago....with my clothes on
But.....
I want to look and feel that way...with my clothes off.
I want to be toned and firm. I want to be the me that I picture myself when I close my eyes, not the jiggly mess of goo that I see staring back at me from the mirror.
My doctor has already told me that no amount of exercise is going to get rid of the extra skin around my mid section and that it would have to be surgically removed. I also know that by getting rid of it, it would reduce the amount of skin that is sagging down into my thighs and even around to what is sagging onto my butt. I know this because I can pull and tug at it and see the difference it would make if the skin was tightened up. It's depressing to see the difference it could make.
My bust area is a whole other story. I have lost 8 inches off of my chest since the end of February, when I started this journey. I have gone from 44 inches to 36 inches.....but my cup size has not changed...at all. I am still a DD bordering on a DDD.
My doctor thinks due to this, and the fact that I am still losing, that this may cause additional back problems (I also have scolioses). I have an appointment in a few weeks with a surgeon to discuss a possible breast reduction. My doctor suggested that while I am there to go ahead and talk to him about a tummy tuck.
My doctor has also stated that with all the extra skin combined with the weight from my breasts, it might make it more difficult to get to my goal weight of 125. By getting rid of the extras....it could get rid of maybe 10lbs!
So....now that I have whined (and cried)....this is my plan:
I will continue my strength and toning exercises combined with cardio.
I will tighten up my ab muscles as much as possible (if I do decide to have surgery, it is very important that I do this)
I will keep training to run the 5K in October.
I will talk to the surgeon and then do tons of research before making a decision.
I will not let my own insecurities rob me of my accomplishments!
I will keep on going....I will NOT stop!
(If you have read this far....thank you for sticking all the way to the end)
I do try and stay positive. I want to encourage others on their journey. But let's face it, I'm human, I'm not perfect. And NOBODY can be positive everyday.
So, today, I will whine, I will complain and I will get it out of my system so tomorrow I can focus on the task at hand.
Yes, I have now lost over 50 lbs and while that truly makes be ecstatic knowing that I have come so far, look and feel better, have gone from a size 16-18 to a loose size 10....I look in the mirror and see all the jiggly goo staring back at me and it makes me depressed.
I know I shouldn't be, but dang....I can shake my leg and my upper thigh looks like jello from the extra skin. I can poke around my abdomen area underneath my belly button and it's so wobbly and jiggly and NOT firm at all! I can take and grab over two inches of skin on my hips in between my fingers.
Yesterday, we went boating. I didn't want to wear my skirted bathing suit bottom because I wanted to wear my capris as well. I found in my drawer a bathing suit bottom from 1997. I can still remember the last time I wore it...I was at the lowest weight I had been in a long time. So I put them on...and the back sagged because my butt wasn't big enough to fit in them. I never thought I would ever hear myself say that my butt isn't big enough...lol.
You would think that would make me feel great...and it did....that is until......
We were on the lake and I was sitting on the back of the pontoon boat, enjoying reading my book while everyone was swimming in the lake. I looked down and there were my thighs....
I gasped...."Oh my - I can't believe how big my thighs are!" My thighs looked liked flat long pancakes. If I propped my legs up on the seat in front of me and kind of positioned myself on my side so I could read... the top of my thighs where they meet the hips looked completely deformed. I was so taken aback...that I made my husband come over and look how deformed it looked.
Of course, my husband didn't think anything about it. He thinks I look great and is very proud and extremely supportive of all my efforts. But.....
This isn't really about what he or any other person views or feels about the way I look....
It's about me...how I view myself....
How I feel about the way I look....
And part of me is telling myself that maybe the more weight I lose, the more vain I am becoming.
I mean, I know I look 10 times better than I did just 6 months ago....with my clothes on
But.....
I want to look and feel that way...with my clothes off.
I want to be toned and firm. I want to be the me that I picture myself when I close my eyes, not the jiggly mess of goo that I see staring back at me from the mirror.
My doctor has already told me that no amount of exercise is going to get rid of the extra skin around my mid section and that it would have to be surgically removed. I also know that by getting rid of it, it would reduce the amount of skin that is sagging down into my thighs and even around to what is sagging onto my butt. I know this because I can pull and tug at it and see the difference it would make if the skin was tightened up. It's depressing to see the difference it could make.
My bust area is a whole other story. I have lost 8 inches off of my chest since the end of February, when I started this journey. I have gone from 44 inches to 36 inches.....but my cup size has not changed...at all. I am still a DD bordering on a DDD.
My doctor thinks due to this, and the fact that I am still losing, that this may cause additional back problems (I also have scolioses). I have an appointment in a few weeks with a surgeon to discuss a possible breast reduction. My doctor suggested that while I am there to go ahead and talk to him about a tummy tuck.
My doctor has also stated that with all the extra skin combined with the weight from my breasts, it might make it more difficult to get to my goal weight of 125. By getting rid of the extras....it could get rid of maybe 10lbs!
So....now that I have whined (and cried)....this is my plan:
I will continue my strength and toning exercises combined with cardio.
I will tighten up my ab muscles as much as possible (if I do decide to have surgery, it is very important that I do this)
I will keep training to run the 5K in October.
I will talk to the surgeon and then do tons of research before making a decision.
I will not let my own insecurities rob me of my accomplishments!
I will keep on going....I will NOT stop!
(If you have read this far....thank you for sticking all the way to the end)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
My New Toy....
Last night, my 16 year old son and I went out to eat for dinner. It is very rare that we are able to do this, just the two of us.
I didn't sweat it about the calories. I feel that the choice I made was o.k.....I could have done better, but I knew what I had eaten earlier that day and felt it was o.k. to splurge. So I ordered "Yolandas". It was 3 chicken enchiladas with ranchero sauce, mexican rice and a guacamole salad. I at one enchilada and 2 bites of another, half of my rice, and none of the salad (I'm not really into guacamole). Anyway, I was FULL! Took the rest home in a to go box.
Afterwards, my son and I headed to Walmart to pick up some stuff that we needed. Mostly, we went to get him a new phone.
Then we walked back to the sporting goods section. I bought a new 8lb dumbbell. I always look around to see what I can purchase to add to my "stash". I wish I had enough room to really have a home gym, but thankful for the room that I do have now.
I bought a resistance band. I had been wanting to try one out for some time, but never did. Then one day at the gym, my trainer gave me one to do bicep curls. Wow...that was hard! I was hooked.
I didn't take it out of the package until today and as soon as I started using it, I wondered why I didn't buy one earlier. These things are GREAT!!!
There are SO many different exercises you can do with a resistance band from an upper body workout, to lower body workout and even core exercises. This is definitely one piece of equipment that I will be using on a daily basis. It was funny, because everyone in the family from hubby to the youngest kid wanted to use it. Next time, I think I'll buy a shorter one to go with my collection.
And whats more great about it is that you control your workout from low impact to high impact. Its perfect for the beginner as well as the seasoned pro.
Wonder if I can get buy using one at work sitting at my desk....hmmmm. Might have to give that a try.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend!!
I didn't sweat it about the calories. I feel that the choice I made was o.k.....I could have done better, but I knew what I had eaten earlier that day and felt it was o.k. to splurge. So I ordered "Yolandas". It was 3 chicken enchiladas with ranchero sauce, mexican rice and a guacamole salad. I at one enchilada and 2 bites of another, half of my rice, and none of the salad (I'm not really into guacamole). Anyway, I was FULL! Took the rest home in a to go box.
Afterwards, my son and I headed to Walmart to pick up some stuff that we needed. Mostly, we went to get him a new phone.
Then we walked back to the sporting goods section. I bought a new 8lb dumbbell. I always look around to see what I can purchase to add to my "stash". I wish I had enough room to really have a home gym, but thankful for the room that I do have now.
I bought a resistance band. I had been wanting to try one out for some time, but never did. Then one day at the gym, my trainer gave me one to do bicep curls. Wow...that was hard! I was hooked.
I didn't take it out of the package until today and as soon as I started using it, I wondered why I didn't buy one earlier. These things are GREAT!!!
There are SO many different exercises you can do with a resistance band from an upper body workout, to lower body workout and even core exercises. This is definitely one piece of equipment that I will be using on a daily basis. It was funny, because everyone in the family from hubby to the youngest kid wanted to use it. Next time, I think I'll buy a shorter one to go with my collection.
And whats more great about it is that you control your workout from low impact to high impact. Its perfect for the beginner as well as the seasoned pro.
Wonder if I can get buy using one at work sitting at my desk....hmmmm. Might have to give that a try.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend!!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
Yesterday, I went to my doctor bright and early for my weigh in and blood pressure check.
The Good: I had lost 10 pounds since my last checkup! YAY!
The Bad: My blood pressure had shot up to 146/102! YIKES!
Since I was just there for the check and I didn't have an appointment, I was told I would need to make an appointment to see the doctor. Bummer.
The appointment desk said they didn't have anything open until Monday. Wanted to know if she could call me if there was a cancellation between now and then....definitely.
I left the office almost in tears...well, not almost. I was in tears. I was angry, frustrated, and upset all at the same time. Why was my body trying to hold me back? I eat the right things; stay away from the wrong things; drink gobs and gobs of water, and get in plenty of cardio and strength training. I just couldn't figure it out.
Went back to my office and tried to hide how upset I was. I went and weighed in on the scale that I use every week and was please to see a 2lb weight loss. That made me feel a little better.
On I went with my day until 12:30 when I get a call telling me they had a 2:00 cancellation and did I want it.....Yes!
After talking with my doctor (who happens to be the greatest doctor in the world), and going over anything unusual I have taken, she thought the rise in my blood pressure might be related to the fact that I took a Mucinex a couple of days before. Remember me posting about my headaches and the sinus pain? Little did I know that Mucinex will cause your blood pressure to rise even up to a week after it has been taken! Glad I took just the one. But to be on the safe side, she ordered the usual tests...blood work, urinalysis, etc. Everything came back normal. It was determined that I do have a sinus infection, however.
So, now I have another antibiotic for the sinus infection (if you know me, you know I'm not really keen on antibiotics), a prescription for blood pressure medication (just in case it doesn't go down on its own over the course of the next few days), and a vitamin D prescription (because she said I have the lowest vitamin D levels of anyone she has ever seen).
The Ugly - I lifted up my shirt, and pulled my skirt down and said, "Does this look like fat, or excess skin". I just have a jiggly blob there that just won't go away...it just gets more jigglier(is that even a word?).
She looked, she grabbed, she shook her head.
"Yes, that is excess loose skin from your weight loss. It won't go away, unless you decide to have it surgically removed".
She suggested that while I am having the consultation in a couple of weeks with a surgeon to discuss my boobs (sorry for being so frank), that I have him look at the area around my lower mid section as well for a possible tummy tuck.
Sigh.
I hate pain.
Did you know that after having that procedure you cannot return to work for at least 4 weeks!
So, I guess I will wait until I talk with the surgeon and try not to worry about it too much until then...not anything I can do about it anyway.
I'm going to put all my effort and concentration into getting my blood pressure back in check. I've worked too hard to get off those darn pills to have to be put back on them.
Day 3 with Personal Trainer
Yesterday's session started off like the week before with a 5 min warm up on the treadmill - 3 min walking at 3.5 and 2 min jogging at 4.7.
Then it was on to strength training, weights, stability and abs. Instead of doing 2 reps on the machine, I did one rep and moved quickly to another and did basically a circuit and then started over.
My trainer did comment that he can see definition in my arms...Yay! I can see it too, but it's great when someone else actually notices. I wish I could see them from the back...that's kinda hard to do even with a mirror.
Anyway, we tried some new things, increased some weight and really moved around. We went from working on the arms (I wish I could remember the names of those darn machines)to working on my legs with two leg and one leg extensions.
He had me do two different types of squats..man could I feel them. And then it was on to lunges (I can tell you, I hate lunges, but I will do them because I know it is good for me).
Then it was time to move upstairs to work on the abs. Lying on a mat with my hands positioned behind me, I had to lean my back at an angle and raise my legs bent and then straighten them out. Then when pulling them in, I was to pull my body up at the same time. I was lucky to get 12 done. Then it was time to bicycle in the air - same position as before and then reverse. Got it done and was definitely feeling it.
A couple more ab exercises and the 50 minutes were done.
When I got back to the office, I was feeling it everywhere. And now that it is the next morning, I feel better, but I think I might have pulled something in my back on the right side. It's feeling like there may be a catch in it. So, I'm going to take it a little easy and see if I can get it worked out.
Today, I go to the doctor for a weigh in and to have my blood pressure taken. While I there, I'm going to talk to her about the headaches and the feet swelling and see if she has any suggestions.
Well that's all for now. Happy Thursday!
Then it was on to strength training, weights, stability and abs. Instead of doing 2 reps on the machine, I did one rep and moved quickly to another and did basically a circuit and then started over.
My trainer did comment that he can see definition in my arms...Yay! I can see it too, but it's great when someone else actually notices. I wish I could see them from the back...that's kinda hard to do even with a mirror.
Anyway, we tried some new things, increased some weight and really moved around. We went from working on the arms (I wish I could remember the names of those darn machines)to working on my legs with two leg and one leg extensions.
He had me do two different types of squats..man could I feel them. And then it was on to lunges (I can tell you, I hate lunges, but I will do them because I know it is good for me).
Then it was time to move upstairs to work on the abs. Lying on a mat with my hands positioned behind me, I had to lean my back at an angle and raise my legs bent and then straighten them out. Then when pulling them in, I was to pull my body up at the same time. I was lucky to get 12 done. Then it was time to bicycle in the air - same position as before and then reverse. Got it done and was definitely feeling it.
A couple more ab exercises and the 50 minutes were done.
When I got back to the office, I was feeling it everywhere. And now that it is the next morning, I feel better, but I think I might have pulled something in my back on the right side. It's feeling like there may be a catch in it. So, I'm going to take it a little easy and see if I can get it worked out.
Today, I go to the doctor for a weigh in and to have my blood pressure taken. While I there, I'm going to talk to her about the headaches and the feet swelling and see if she has any suggestions.
Well that's all for now. Happy Thursday!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Food - Friend or Foe
Our body needs it to survive, but too much of a good thing is well..... disastrous.
Our cars need gas to go, but what happens if you try to fill it up too much? It just overflows...gets everywhere...and it stinks! All the extra gas you tried to put it doesn't do your car any good because it doesn't need it! Or what happens if you put diesel fuel in a car that only takes unleaded? Ummm...problems are definitely ahead!
The same goes with food and our bodies. Food is not the enemy, we need it to survive..simple as that. We are our own enemies, because we do not know when to stop. We keep shoveling it in even when we are not hungry...even when we do not need it to "fuel" our bodies. Not only that, but when we are hungry, we tend to fuel our bodies with the wrong kinds of foods. Foods that may satisfy us at the moment, but down the road...we conk out.
Our bodies can do amazing things when we feed it properly. Food is not the enemy and we need to condition our mind into thinking that way.
So, now I am climbing off my soapbox, going to the mirror and reading aloud to myself what I just wrote. Why? Because, it's easy to write what you know to be true. But it's another to make sure that you really hear it and take it in and make it part of your daily life. I don't want to just talk the talk. I want to walk the walk.
It's a battle I deal with daily. And if someone tells you that they never struggle with food issues...they are lying. It's a learning process....all part of the journey.
I hope everyone has a wonderful "hump" day. I'm off to meet with my personal trainer at lunch to see what new torture he has devised for me. Just kidding...I really look forward to the new challenges.
Our cars need gas to go, but what happens if you try to fill it up too much? It just overflows...gets everywhere...and it stinks! All the extra gas you tried to put it doesn't do your car any good because it doesn't need it! Or what happens if you put diesel fuel in a car that only takes unleaded? Ummm...problems are definitely ahead!
The same goes with food and our bodies. Food is not the enemy, we need it to survive..simple as that. We are our own enemies, because we do not know when to stop. We keep shoveling it in even when we are not hungry...even when we do not need it to "fuel" our bodies. Not only that, but when we are hungry, we tend to fuel our bodies with the wrong kinds of foods. Foods that may satisfy us at the moment, but down the road...we conk out.
Our bodies can do amazing things when we feed it properly. Food is not the enemy and we need to condition our mind into thinking that way.
So, now I am climbing off my soapbox, going to the mirror and reading aloud to myself what I just wrote. Why? Because, it's easy to write what you know to be true. But it's another to make sure that you really hear it and take it in and make it part of your daily life. I don't want to just talk the talk. I want to walk the walk.
It's a battle I deal with daily. And if someone tells you that they never struggle with food issues...they are lying. It's a learning process....all part of the journey.
I hope everyone has a wonderful "hump" day. I'm off to meet with my personal trainer at lunch to see what new torture he has devised for me. Just kidding...I really look forward to the new challenges.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Headaches...
I have been having problems with headaches lately. Ones that just seem to go on for days. They are really putting a crimp into, well....everything!
I wake up with a headache, the last thing that is on my mind is climbing on to my bike and get moving. Any kind of bouncing, fast movement is out.
They just make me feel tired and after awhile, just plain cranky.
At first, I thought maybe I wasn't eating enough, so I amped up my calorie intake...but nope..headaches still there.
Next, maybe it's my pillow that I'm sleeping on. So I tried different pillows...nope, still there.
More sleep? Less sleep? Ack! This is driving me crazy!
But, night before last, I woke up around 2:00 am with an incredulous headache. Have you ever had one that wakes you up? My right side of my sinuses was completely stopped up and I could feel the pressure. Got up, took a couple of tylenol and some Mucinex.....and an hour later, my headache was gone!
It is back today, but I think the culprit is my sinuses. I did not sleep well last night and was too stubborn to get up and take something.
so, instead of riding my bike right now (like I should be doing), I'm going to finish up my posting, check out a couple of things on the ol' computer, and then go get ready for work.
I got in a great workout last night, about 1 1/2 hours. Hopefully, I will be re-energized tonight to get in a 1 1/2 to 2 hr workout as well.
Have a great Tuesday!
Angela (who is so ready to get back to my routine)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Some Questions that I Get Asked......
1. Question: How much weight have you lost?
Answer: I have lost a total of 49 lbs. Just 1 pound shy of 50.
2. Question: What diet plan are you following?
Answer: I do not follow any "diet" plan. I have changed my eating habits by eating healthier foods, more veggies and fruits, less sugars, sodium, and high calorie junk. Sodas have been cut out and have been replaced with 8 glasses of water a day. I am much more conscious of the foods that I am putting in my body.
3. Question: What made you decide to take on this new lifestyle?
Answer: The Ah-Ha moment was at the doctor's office Feb. 2010 when weighing in, I didn't even want to look at the number on the scale. I was thinking, "I hope the nurse doesn't say what my weight it. But no....You're weight is 205. Ugghh! That plus the fact that my blood pressure had to be taken twice...the first time it registered 200 / 148. Next time it was 185/148. That was life threatening! I decided that I didn't want to die and needed to make some serious changes in my life.
4. Question: How did you get started?
Answer: I read everything I could get my hands on about nutrition and healthy living. I didn't want to "diet", but really make a lifestyle change. I quit cold turkey and changed what I was eating. I started exercising by just walking around my house, walking in place, marching in place,
really putting more effort into my housework. I let people know at work what I was doing. I joined the gym, at my husband's insistance. I started watching "Biggest Loser" and was inspired by their courage and determination. I have read cover to cover several times "Biggest Loser, Six Weeks to a Healthier You". And Basically, I became my biggest fan.
5. Question: How much more weight do you want to lose and what keeps you motivated?
Answer: I want to lose 31 more pounds for a total of 80 pounds which would put me at 125. My doctor would be happy for me to reach 145. I know staying motivated is hard for some people. I like to hear/read stories of other people who have been where I am and have succeeded. I like the way I feel when I put on clothes that were once too small to fit into. I like it when my husband tells me I look sexy.
But more than that, I like the person that I have become - strong (physically and mentally), confident, and ready to tackle the world. I don't want to go back to the person I was before. The person who was just existing in life instead of living it.
Side Note: More questions and answers to come another day. Still need to get my Monday morning workout in before getting ready for work :)
Answer: I have lost a total of 49 lbs. Just 1 pound shy of 50.
2. Question: What diet plan are you following?
Answer: I do not follow any "diet" plan. I have changed my eating habits by eating healthier foods, more veggies and fruits, less sugars, sodium, and high calorie junk. Sodas have been cut out and have been replaced with 8 glasses of water a day. I am much more conscious of the foods that I am putting in my body.
3. Question: What made you decide to take on this new lifestyle?
Answer: The Ah-Ha moment was at the doctor's office Feb. 2010 when weighing in, I didn't even want to look at the number on the scale. I was thinking, "I hope the nurse doesn't say what my weight it. But no....You're weight is 205. Ugghh! That plus the fact that my blood pressure had to be taken twice...the first time it registered 200 / 148. Next time it was 185/148. That was life threatening! I decided that I didn't want to die and needed to make some serious changes in my life.
4. Question: How did you get started?
Answer: I read everything I could get my hands on about nutrition and healthy living. I didn't want to "diet", but really make a lifestyle change. I quit cold turkey and changed what I was eating. I started exercising by just walking around my house, walking in place, marching in place,
really putting more effort into my housework. I let people know at work what I was doing. I joined the gym, at my husband's insistance. I started watching "Biggest Loser" and was inspired by their courage and determination. I have read cover to cover several times "Biggest Loser, Six Weeks to a Healthier You". And Basically, I became my biggest fan.
5. Question: How much more weight do you want to lose and what keeps you motivated?
Answer: I want to lose 31 more pounds for a total of 80 pounds which would put me at 125. My doctor would be happy for me to reach 145. I know staying motivated is hard for some people. I like to hear/read stories of other people who have been where I am and have succeeded. I like the way I feel when I put on clothes that were once too small to fit into. I like it when my husband tells me I look sexy.
But more than that, I like the person that I have become - strong (physically and mentally), confident, and ready to tackle the world. I don't want to go back to the person I was before. The person who was just existing in life instead of living it.
Side Note: More questions and answers to come another day. Still need to get my Monday morning workout in before getting ready for work :)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Sorry...no mind blowing title today
Yesterday I took a break. Not just a break from blogging, but a break from everything in general.
It is very rare that I do not have some place that I have to be. So, yesterday, I just ENJOYED being at home. I did some cleaning, watched a movie, played around on the computer.
And....GASP....I even took a NAP!
I didn't ride my bike, I didn't workout to my fave DVD, and I didn't even lift any of my weights!
And guess what? The world didn't stop. I didn't wake up to find that I could no longer fit into my clothes. I didn't feel that I wanted to quit exercising.
I gave myself permission to have some down time. My body needed it. My mind needed it. And isn't that what it's all about - listening to your body and learning to trust what it is telling you?
Today, feeling much more rested and ready to go, I got my 6 mile stationary bike ride in first thing this morning, planned my menu and grocery list for the week, and took care of some house cleaning that still needed to be done. I'm about to head out to the grocery store for my weekly grocery shopping. And then, who knows? I might go the gym, or I might stay home and workout to the DVD or get some weight lifting in.
Happy Weekend!
It is very rare that I do not have some place that I have to be. So, yesterday, I just ENJOYED being at home. I did some cleaning, watched a movie, played around on the computer.
And....GASP....I even took a NAP!
I didn't ride my bike, I didn't workout to my fave DVD, and I didn't even lift any of my weights!
And guess what? The world didn't stop. I didn't wake up to find that I could no longer fit into my clothes. I didn't feel that I wanted to quit exercising.
I gave myself permission to have some down time. My body needed it. My mind needed it. And isn't that what it's all about - listening to your body and learning to trust what it is telling you?
Today, feeling much more rested and ready to go, I got my 6 mile stationary bike ride in first thing this morning, planned my menu and grocery list for the week, and took care of some house cleaning that still needed to be done. I'm about to head out to the grocery store for my weekly grocery shopping. And then, who knows? I might go the gym, or I might stay home and workout to the DVD or get some weight lifting in.
Happy Weekend!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Guilty as charged....
Like so many other posts I have written, this is NOT what I had intended or plan to write today. But since it is on my mind now, the best thing for me is to just write it down and get it out of the way.
I looked up the word guilt in the dictionary:
guilt (glt)
n.
1.
a. The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.
b. Law The fact of having been found to have violated a criminal law; legal
culpability.
c. Responsibility for a mistake or error.
2.
a. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
b. Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
You may be asking yourself where I am going with this.
I was reading another blog the other day and the question was posed: "Do you feel guilty if you do not work out everyday?"
I didn't think much of it at the time, that is until last night.
I was sore yesterday from the previous day's workout, so I blew off my morning exercise with the promise that I would get some in at the gym at lunch. That didn't go as planned because I left my gym clothes and shoes at the house. "No prob", I thought to myself - I would get in a workout when I got home that night.
Once I got home, I took off my shoes, and my feet were horribly swollen, tight and painful yet once again. So I had resigned myself to staying off of them, trying to prop them up and get them iced down.
But, the guilt from not working out all day started to set in. I felt that I couldn't just sit there and NOT do anything. So, I did some floor exercises that did not require me to stand on my feet. I did modified pushups, crunches, leg lifts, hip abduction, etc (you get the picture). For some reason, I just couldn't let it go - I mean the guilt. Why would it be too hard for me just to say -"Today, I need to rest - tomorrow I'll get back to it". Guilt, guilt, guilt. In my head, I felt that I really had no excuse for not getting in some type of exercise. And if I didn't, I would be lazy. I know I'm not lazy, but that's how I felt. The truth is, I don't want to feel guilty for missing a day of exercise, or eating something that is considered unhealthy (once in a while). It's just another one of those hurdles that I will work on getting over - you know, learning that world is not going to end over this one hiccup - learning that I won't get "fat" just because of one setback.
Guilt - it can be a powerful motivator....or it can keep you from doing what needs to be done.
Anyways...thanks for listening. Feeling better just getting off my chest...now I can move on!
I looked up the word guilt in the dictionary:
guilt (glt)
n.
1.
a. The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.
b. Law The fact of having been found to have violated a criminal law; legal
culpability.
c. Responsibility for a mistake or error.
2.
a. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
b. Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
You may be asking yourself where I am going with this.
I was reading another blog the other day and the question was posed: "Do you feel guilty if you do not work out everyday?"
I didn't think much of it at the time, that is until last night.
I was sore yesterday from the previous day's workout, so I blew off my morning exercise with the promise that I would get some in at the gym at lunch. That didn't go as planned because I left my gym clothes and shoes at the house. "No prob", I thought to myself - I would get in a workout when I got home that night.
Once I got home, I took off my shoes, and my feet were horribly swollen, tight and painful yet once again. So I had resigned myself to staying off of them, trying to prop them up and get them iced down.
But, the guilt from not working out all day started to set in. I felt that I couldn't just sit there and NOT do anything. So, I did some floor exercises that did not require me to stand on my feet. I did modified pushups, crunches, leg lifts, hip abduction, etc (you get the picture). For some reason, I just couldn't let it go - I mean the guilt. Why would it be too hard for me just to say -"Today, I need to rest - tomorrow I'll get back to it". Guilt, guilt, guilt. In my head, I felt that I really had no excuse for not getting in some type of exercise. And if I didn't, I would be lazy. I know I'm not lazy, but that's how I felt. The truth is, I don't want to feel guilty for missing a day of exercise, or eating something that is considered unhealthy (once in a while). It's just another one of those hurdles that I will work on getting over - you know, learning that world is not going to end over this one hiccup - learning that I won't get "fat" just because of one setback.
Guilt - it can be a powerful motivator....or it can keep you from doing what needs to be done.
Anyways...thanks for listening. Feeling better just getting off my chest...now I can move on!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Day 2 with Personal Trainer
I was going to take my camera with me so I could get some pics to go along with the post, but left my camera at home.
Yesterday was my second meeting with the personal trainer at the gym. Our schedules are tight so we meet up during my lunch hour. I wasn't sure what to expect this go around.
I started off by warming up for five minutes on the treadmill - three minutes walking at 3.5 and two minutes jogging at 4.5. Let me input something here...I had been using the C25K program and still on week one. The longest that you jog is 60 seconds and the walk for 90 seconds and keep alternating for 20 minutes. I hadn't jogged for two minutes yet...and I did it! And the amazing thing is, when my two minutes were up, I felt I could keep on going!
Next it was on to the gym machines...leg presses, 50-70 pounds, 2 reps @12 each. I could really feel it in my legs when done. Worked the arms on various machines, chest, and back.
We went over to the free weight section and he handed me a 30 pound barbel and wanted me to do curls. It looked light enough...I can do this. He handed it to me and at first it was no problem. When I reached about the 7th curl, I could feel the burn and I had to really push myself to get to 12. I rested for 30 seconds and then set out to do it again. I focused my eyesight on one point and began. I could hear the trainer saying, "Rest if you need" and "Do you need me to help". I was determined I could do this without any help. I fixated my sight on one point in the room, I continued to breathe and made it to 12 without stopping and without help. It was a great feeling of accomplishment! But, it also made me feel really whimpy because it was just 30 pounds!
After that it was over the head pushes with two 7 lb weight. This was right after the 30lb dumbells. But I did it...2 sets of 12.
I did some additional exercises before he let me go. Even as I was leaving, I could feel the workout in my muscles. But this is why I am here...this is what I want...this is what I NEED.
When I got home last night, it was just my son and I. I made BLTs for dinner, with Turkey Bacon...yum! My son (15) actually prefers turkey bacon over regular bacon and I think it tastes better too.
I checked my emails, etc on the computer and decided to round out the day with one more workout (oh...I also rode my stationary bike that morning for 5 miles). I love my DVD Fat Burning Jam - Dance Off the Inches. It lasts for 30 minutes and I really worked up a good sweat doing it. It felt great to have such a productive day!
On another note, upon waking this morning, my body feels like it has been run over by a semi truck - yep, you got it - sore muscles. But that's okay...it just means that I am working muscles that need to be worked. The soreness will go away and I will continue. But for today, I'm going to take it a little bit easier in the workout department. I might go for a treadmill walk at lunch or a bike ride tonight...we'll just have to see.
Will try and post some pics another time.
Yesterday was my second meeting with the personal trainer at the gym. Our schedules are tight so we meet up during my lunch hour. I wasn't sure what to expect this go around.
I started off by warming up for five minutes on the treadmill - three minutes walking at 3.5 and two minutes jogging at 4.5. Let me input something here...I had been using the C25K program and still on week one. The longest that you jog is 60 seconds and the walk for 90 seconds and keep alternating for 20 minutes. I hadn't jogged for two minutes yet...and I did it! And the amazing thing is, when my two minutes were up, I felt I could keep on going!
Next it was on to the gym machines...leg presses, 50-70 pounds, 2 reps @12 each. I could really feel it in my legs when done. Worked the arms on various machines, chest, and back.
We went over to the free weight section and he handed me a 30 pound barbel and wanted me to do curls. It looked light enough...I can do this. He handed it to me and at first it was no problem. When I reached about the 7th curl, I could feel the burn and I had to really push myself to get to 12. I rested for 30 seconds and then set out to do it again. I focused my eyesight on one point and began. I could hear the trainer saying, "Rest if you need" and "Do you need me to help". I was determined I could do this without any help. I fixated my sight on one point in the room, I continued to breathe and made it to 12 without stopping and without help. It was a great feeling of accomplishment! But, it also made me feel really whimpy because it was just 30 pounds!
After that it was over the head pushes with two 7 lb weight. This was right after the 30lb dumbells. But I did it...2 sets of 12.
I did some additional exercises before he let me go. Even as I was leaving, I could feel the workout in my muscles. But this is why I am here...this is what I want...this is what I NEED.
When I got home last night, it was just my son and I. I made BLTs for dinner, with Turkey Bacon...yum! My son (15) actually prefers turkey bacon over regular bacon and I think it tastes better too.
I checked my emails, etc on the computer and decided to round out the day with one more workout (oh...I also rode my stationary bike that morning for 5 miles). I love my DVD Fat Burning Jam - Dance Off the Inches. It lasts for 30 minutes and I really worked up a good sweat doing it. It felt great to have such a productive day!
On another note, upon waking this morning, my body feels like it has been run over by a semi truck - yep, you got it - sore muscles. But that's okay...it just means that I am working muscles that need to be worked. The soreness will go away and I will continue. But for today, I'm going to take it a little bit easier in the workout department. I might go for a treadmill walk at lunch or a bike ride tonight...we'll just have to see.
Will try and post some pics another time.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Obstacles are Made to be Overcome....
The video below is about a truly inspirational woman who decided that she wasn't going to let any obstacle get in her way of leading a more healthy lifestyle.
When I first read this woman's story, all I could hear was the many times I have whined about why I couldn't do this, couldn't do that...whine, whine, whine. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to whine sometimes. This woman is determined to not let ANYTHING stop her. She works around the obstacles, she jumps over the obstacles, she knocks the obstacles on their butts!
Are you letting someone or something tell you that you CAN'T do it? Why?
What's in your way today?
When I first read this woman's story, all I could hear was the many times I have whined about why I couldn't do this, couldn't do that...whine, whine, whine. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to whine sometimes. This woman is determined to not let ANYTHING stop her. She works around the obstacles, she jumps over the obstacles, she knocks the obstacles on their butts!
Are you letting someone or something tell you that you CAN'T do it? Why?
What's in your way today?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
My Sleep Problem Last Night.....
I re-wrote the title of today's post no less than five times.
Let me first say that this post really doesn't have anything to do with sleep. Tracking my food is the real culprit. I have been pretty lax when it came to actually writing down what I have eaten during the day and coming face to face with what I am actually putting into my body. I kinda new what was going in, the amount of calories, yadda, yadda, yadda. Why would I need to keep track of it...I'm doing perfectly fine....or so I thought.
So, a couple of days ago, I decided I would be more consistent in journaling my food, along with calories and nutrtional value. I answered a few questions to set my nutritional goals. Goal for calories, carbs, fats, and proteins which are necessary to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Each one of these is needed in your eating plan in order for your body to function properly. You shouldn't cut any of these completely out of your eating plan.
After tracking my food for just two days, it has come to my attention that I am depriving my body of necessary items it desperately needs. I thought I was doing great...but my calorie intake is too low. Too low of all things!
Did you know that when your calorie intake is too low that your body will go into survival mode? This means that your body thinks that it is starving, that there is not enough food for it to function. It will then start holding on or storing what little it has so it can keep on going. So, really instead of losing weight ....you will see that you might even gain weight at this point.
You really DO have to eat in order to lose weight.
Okay...back to post title. The last thing I did last night before going to bed was to enter in my last snack of the night and run my daily nutrition report. Yes, it came up short - again.
All night long, that is all I dreamed about...tracking food...how many calories...etc, etc, etc. I woke up this morning and thought..."I can't believe I have been thinking about food all night long!"
Yes, I'm sleepy this morning. Yes, I'm going to continue to track my food. Yes, I'm going to post the progress.
I hope everyone has a great Tuesday...gott go and try and get some exercise in before heading off to work!
Let me first say that this post really doesn't have anything to do with sleep. Tracking my food is the real culprit. I have been pretty lax when it came to actually writing down what I have eaten during the day and coming face to face with what I am actually putting into my body. I kinda new what was going in, the amount of calories, yadda, yadda, yadda. Why would I need to keep track of it...I'm doing perfectly fine....or so I thought.
So, a couple of days ago, I decided I would be more consistent in journaling my food, along with calories and nutrtional value. I answered a few questions to set my nutritional goals. Goal for calories, carbs, fats, and proteins which are necessary to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Each one of these is needed in your eating plan in order for your body to function properly. You shouldn't cut any of these completely out of your eating plan.
After tracking my food for just two days, it has come to my attention that I am depriving my body of necessary items it desperately needs. I thought I was doing great...but my calorie intake is too low. Too low of all things!
Did you know that when your calorie intake is too low that your body will go into survival mode? This means that your body thinks that it is starving, that there is not enough food for it to function. It will then start holding on or storing what little it has so it can keep on going. So, really instead of losing weight ....you will see that you might even gain weight at this point.
You really DO have to eat in order to lose weight.
Okay...back to post title. The last thing I did last night before going to bed was to enter in my last snack of the night and run my daily nutrition report. Yes, it came up short - again.
All night long, that is all I dreamed about...tracking food...how many calories...etc, etc, etc. I woke up this morning and thought..."I can't believe I have been thinking about food all night long!"
Yes, I'm sleepy this morning. Yes, I'm going to continue to track my food. Yes, I'm going to post the progress.
I hope everyone has a great Tuesday...gott go and try and get some exercise in before heading off to work!
Monday, July 5, 2010
Celebrating the Little Things
Hope everyone had a great and safe holiday! I am really looking forward to getting back into my normal routine. After being on vacation, having the step-kids here for a couple of weeks and then the holiday weekend, I am soooo ready to get back to "normal" again.
I know I'm late getting this post in today, but I'm off work today and slept in a bit and then have spent the morning on Sparkpeople.com. If I'm not careful, I could be on there for hours! If you haven't checked it out or joined..(it's free), I encourage you to do so. There are a lot of great people there and the site is loaded with info, tools and motivation for any stage of your journey you might be in.
As you can see from the sidebar, I didn't lose any weight last week...but I didn't gain any either. I was on vacation and I gave myself permission to cut myself some slack. So I was thrilled to know that I was able to maintain my weight at the same time.
It got me thinking as I stood in front of my mirror the other day...what are some of the other things that I can "celebrate" about where I am on this journey. You know, you have to look at other things besides the number on the scale. That number does NOT tell the whole story. It is just a number...a guide, if you will.
So, here's my list ...silly as some things may be...
1. My thighs no longer rub/touch each other when I walk!
2. I can actually wrap a towel all the way around myself when I get out of the
shower.
3. I can bend over and tie my shoes without my face getting red and feeling like I
can't breathe.
4. I can stay up past 9:00 pm without being exhausted.
5. Stressfull things/situations do not bother me as much as they would have in the
past.
6. I now like wearing sleeveless shirts(my arms have a little more definition and
less flab)
7. No more granny panties! (next comment is a little personal...skip over if you
do not want to know) Discovered that I LOVE thongs! - who would have ever guessed
that I would even consider purchasing one...much less actually wear it!
8. I am able to love my husband even more because I have learned to love myself.
9. I have noticed I watch less T.V.
10. I look forward to waking up each day and knowing that I am LIVING my life and
not just watching it pass by.
What are you going to celebrate today?
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Tossing the Magic Wand
Instant Gratification
We, as a people, have been conditioned for that. Just look around you. Whatever we want, we feel that we need and deserve it "NOW". The TV commercials tell you this, and maybe you even have the "keeping up with the Jones'" syndrome. Some of even eat to feel this instant gratification that food can bring...that feeling of satisfaction (until later when the guilt sets in).
What I'm trying to say is that there isn't a magic wand, a magic cure, or an overnight miracle that will instantly take the pounds off, change your life, or your attitude. If you are looking for a quick fix, sure, you might find one...but it will not last.
So many people get discouraged or even give up during their first week or even month because they do not see the big changes that they had hoped or expected. They are wanting a magic wand to fulfil their wish. But that's just not how it works.
You HAVE to have the commitment and determination that you are not in it just to see a number on a scale. This is not just about losing weight, but trying to figure out patterns in your life that brought you to this point and what is keeping you here, and how to make that change that you need. It's about learning about you.
One thing I have learned is gaining weight is usually the result of something else in your life, not the cause of it. This is a key element in obtaining the results you seek. For instance, people usually think they are unhappy because they are "fat"...but what if you looked at it as "I have been eating and gaining weight (fat) because I am unhappy." You then take the focus off of the weight loss and put the focus on the cause of your unhappiness. When you figure that out, you will find that you will can be more in control of yourself, what you eat, why you eat, and your outlook on everything around you.
Let's face it....this process is up to YOU! YOU make the difference. YOU have the power to change within yourself. If you are waiting for a fairy godmother, a handful of magic beans, or a magic potion to change your life....you might as well get used to disappointment.
WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK?
We, as a people, have been conditioned for that. Just look around you. Whatever we want, we feel that we need and deserve it "NOW". The TV commercials tell you this, and maybe you even have the "keeping up with the Jones'" syndrome. Some of even eat to feel this instant gratification that food can bring...that feeling of satisfaction (until later when the guilt sets in).
What I'm trying to say is that there isn't a magic wand, a magic cure, or an overnight miracle that will instantly take the pounds off, change your life, or your attitude. If you are looking for a quick fix, sure, you might find one...but it will not last.
So many people get discouraged or even give up during their first week or even month because they do not see the big changes that they had hoped or expected. They are wanting a magic wand to fulfil their wish. But that's just not how it works.
You HAVE to have the commitment and determination that you are not in it just to see a number on a scale. This is not just about losing weight, but trying to figure out patterns in your life that brought you to this point and what is keeping you here, and how to make that change that you need. It's about learning about you.
One thing I have learned is gaining weight is usually the result of something else in your life, not the cause of it. This is a key element in obtaining the results you seek. For instance, people usually think they are unhappy because they are "fat"...but what if you looked at it as "I have been eating and gaining weight (fat) because I am unhappy." You then take the focus off of the weight loss and put the focus on the cause of your unhappiness. When you figure that out, you will find that you will can be more in control of yourself, what you eat, why you eat, and your outlook on everything around you.
Let's face it....this process is up to YOU! YOU make the difference. YOU have the power to change within yourself. If you are waiting for a fairy godmother, a handful of magic beans, or a magic potion to change your life....you might as well get used to disappointment.
WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK?
Friday, July 2, 2010
My Incredible Shrinking Closet
Each morning is always the same. I open the closet door, walk in, and stare at the clothes that are hanging there.
It reminds me of my kids opening the refrigerator door, looking around and closing it deciding there was nothing in there they wanted to eat - only to open it five minutes later to look again,as they hear me shout from another room, "It's not magic! New food doesn't appear every time you close the door!"
That's how I feel about my closet - hoping that each day I look in there, new clothes will magically appear. It hasn't happened yet....and unless my fairy godmother somehow shows up out of nowhere, I don't think new clothes will just materialize.
So, what does one do when, not only are the size of your clothes are shrinking, but the amount of clothes you have to choose from are also shrinking?
If you are still in the weight loss process, it is hard to justify going out and spending gobs of money on new clothes, just to have them become too big in a month or two. An unless you are a seamstress, taking your clothes in for alterations can also be costly.
For me, the solution was to buy second hand. I am fortunate to have a Goodwill store close by. I know some of you are saying, "yuck". But it works. The Goodwill store here has .99 cent days on Wednesdays and Sundays. I will usually go and pick up one or two things here or there. For $1.00, I can afford to replace clothes as I continue to slide on down the scale. I have bought jeans, nice work blouses, dress capris, T-shirts, and skirts. Matter of fact, most of the clothes I now have are Goodwill purchases.
Clothes that are outgrown are either given back to Goodwill, or given to someone else. My hope is to find a women's shelter where I can donate the clothes.
You don't have to go around cinching up your britches, or wearing clothes that just drape you. If you can't find a Goodwill in your area, try finding other thrift, second hand, or consignment shops in your area.
It reminds me of my kids opening the refrigerator door, looking around and closing it deciding there was nothing in there they wanted to eat - only to open it five minutes later to look again,as they hear me shout from another room, "It's not magic! New food doesn't appear every time you close the door!"
That's how I feel about my closet - hoping that each day I look in there, new clothes will magically appear. It hasn't happened yet....and unless my fairy godmother somehow shows up out of nowhere, I don't think new clothes will just materialize.
So, what does one do when, not only are the size of your clothes are shrinking, but the amount of clothes you have to choose from are also shrinking?
If you are still in the weight loss process, it is hard to justify going out and spending gobs of money on new clothes, just to have them become too big in a month or two. An unless you are a seamstress, taking your clothes in for alterations can also be costly.
For me, the solution was to buy second hand. I am fortunate to have a Goodwill store close by. I know some of you are saying, "yuck". But it works. The Goodwill store here has .99 cent days on Wednesdays and Sundays. I will usually go and pick up one or two things here or there. For $1.00, I can afford to replace clothes as I continue to slide on down the scale. I have bought jeans, nice work blouses, dress capris, T-shirts, and skirts. Matter of fact, most of the clothes I now have are Goodwill purchases.
Clothes that are outgrown are either given back to Goodwill, or given to someone else. My hope is to find a women's shelter where I can donate the clothes.
You don't have to go around cinching up your britches, or wearing clothes that just drape you. If you can't find a Goodwill in your area, try finding other thrift, second hand, or consignment shops in your area.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Routines and an Update
I am a routine kind of person. I have always been. I like routines and lists. I will make a list for everything, from grocery shopping to cleaning, from dinner menus to bill paying. My husband has even made fun of me for this habit...but hey, its what works for me.
My eating and exercising really is no different. I try and make a plan for each day. If you have followed my food log on the side bar, you have probably noticed by now that my breakfast and first snack are usually the same everyday, oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast and a banana for snack. It's what I like and I don't get bored with it. When I get up, I don't even have to think about it, its just automatic.
I try and eat during the day around the same time each day...it just seems to help me stay on track. Like I said before, its not even something I think about now, it is just done as a habit (a good habit).
Exercise is almost the same way...but I do change it around a bit. I try to get it in before work, during lunch break (if I don't have errands to run), and again at home after work.
I love routines. Did I already say that? Having a routine helps me stay focused on whatever task is at hand.
People are different. I know some that like to fly by the seat of their pants, and that works for them. What works for one person may not necessarily be the best way for the other. You just gotta find your own pace.
Now for an update....Yesterday, I was one pooped puppy. I thought I was tired the day before riding in a car for 12 hours, 800 miles, 3 kids and 1 husband (who would only stop twice..Grrr). But it really must have caught up with me yesterday. I did five loads of laundry and got them all put away except one.
Because I committed to start my 5K training yesterday (see earlier post), I went to the gym and the family tagged along. They went to the pool while I stayed inside and proceeded with my workout.
The first day of week one indicates warm up by walking briskly for 5 min. Then you are to alternate run for 60 sec and then walk for 90 sec. You do the alternating for 20 minutes. That went great...no problem! Yay!
After that, I was eyeing those dastardly eliptical machines (The Machines of Death). "Hmmm", I thought. "There is no one else in here, I'll give it another chance."
I figured, why not. I'm already sweaty. If anyone comes along, it'll look like I've been on this thing for awhile! (Yeah, I know..deception, not my proudest moment). Anyway, I climbed on and got it started moving. Looked at the direction for the arms. Did I want my arms to push or to pull. Decisions, decisions. I think I must have been thinking on that way too long. Oh heck, just push the button already! Now, I don't even remember what I chose. So off I go! Still on level one...but I'm doing it. I decide to just shoot for 5 minutes. I didn't seem as difficult this go around as the first time. But 5 minutes was enough for me. When I looked at the display at the end of my 5 minutes....I had burned 14 calories. 14 CALORIES...are you kidding me...was that all? . SIGH. I WILL do better next time. Yes, I said next time. I will master that eliptical machine...I am now on a mission!
After that, I did go and do a little strength training...arms and legs.
Then enjoyed sitting out by the pool with my husband while we watched the kids play in the pool.
At home, hubby cooked dinner. I was the last one to finish eating and it was all I could do to keep my head from falling onto my plate. I was going to try and get 5 miles of biking in....but opted to go to bed instead. I was instantly asleep when my head hit the pillow. Ahhhh....
My eating and exercising really is no different. I try and make a plan for each day. If you have followed my food log on the side bar, you have probably noticed by now that my breakfast and first snack are usually the same everyday, oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast and a banana for snack. It's what I like and I don't get bored with it. When I get up, I don't even have to think about it, its just automatic.
I try and eat during the day around the same time each day...it just seems to help me stay on track. Like I said before, its not even something I think about now, it is just done as a habit (a good habit).
Exercise is almost the same way...but I do change it around a bit. I try to get it in before work, during lunch break (if I don't have errands to run), and again at home after work.
I love routines. Did I already say that? Having a routine helps me stay focused on whatever task is at hand.
People are different. I know some that like to fly by the seat of their pants, and that works for them. What works for one person may not necessarily be the best way for the other. You just gotta find your own pace.
Now for an update....Yesterday, I was one pooped puppy. I thought I was tired the day before riding in a car for 12 hours, 800 miles, 3 kids and 1 husband (who would only stop twice..Grrr). But it really must have caught up with me yesterday. I did five loads of laundry and got them all put away except one.
Because I committed to start my 5K training yesterday (see earlier post), I went to the gym and the family tagged along. They went to the pool while I stayed inside and proceeded with my workout.
The first day of week one indicates warm up by walking briskly for 5 min. Then you are to alternate run for 60 sec and then walk for 90 sec. You do the alternating for 20 minutes. That went great...no problem! Yay!
After that, I was eyeing those dastardly eliptical machines (The Machines of Death). "Hmmm", I thought. "There is no one else in here, I'll give it another chance."
I figured, why not. I'm already sweaty. If anyone comes along, it'll look like I've been on this thing for awhile! (Yeah, I know..deception, not my proudest moment). Anyway, I climbed on and got it started moving. Looked at the direction for the arms. Did I want my arms to push or to pull. Decisions, decisions. I think I must have been thinking on that way too long. Oh heck, just push the button already! Now, I don't even remember what I chose. So off I go! Still on level one...but I'm doing it. I decide to just shoot for 5 minutes. I didn't seem as difficult this go around as the first time. But 5 minutes was enough for me. When I looked at the display at the end of my 5 minutes....I had burned 14 calories. 14 CALORIES...are you kidding me...was that all? . SIGH. I WILL do better next time. Yes, I said next time. I will master that eliptical machine...I am now on a mission!
After that, I did go and do a little strength training...arms and legs.
Then enjoyed sitting out by the pool with my husband while we watched the kids play in the pool.
At home, hubby cooked dinner. I was the last one to finish eating and it was all I could do to keep my head from falling onto my plate. I was going to try and get 5 miles of biking in....but opted to go to bed instead. I was instantly asleep when my head hit the pillow. Ahhhh....
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